idk if this ever happened to you. but there comes a point in the year (around now, i guess) that majority of the dreams i remember are about camp. anyone else experience this in the past? i can't control it (although Freud would say i could, whatever). yah, well last night the dream itself was weird. i knew it was a dream and started controlling it (kind of). awesome.
okay, also it's like 70 degrees outside so it basically feels like summer.
poop.
i'm off to enjoy a nice chat with Chris Tuttle at Starbucks. then work. then hey, guess what... it's NEW YEAR'S EVE! party. yes.
12.31.2010
12.20.2010
quelf.
is the best game ever invented. it perfectly suits my attention span and need for randomness.
the card was: write a 5 sentence story and read it aloud before your next turn. the story must begin with, "Once upon a time, a circus clown riding a camel watched the sky turn black..." and end with "...Just pop it in your mouth and chew."
this is what happened:
"Once upon a time, a circus clown riding a camel watched the sky turn black before the clock struck 12. The clown wore a silver coat and tie, an lived inside of a pomegranate. Every once in a while, his neighbor, the talking purple-pink tazmanian devil, came over to borrow some mustard. One time the T-D (that's the tazmanian devil) stepped in a hole and fell to China, where he met a lovely little lizard. The lizard was on Hanukah vacation, and he made money by telling people why eating a rock is so easy, claiming, "Just pop it in your mouth and chew."
you can see why this game is great, right? if not, PLEASE go play it. right this second.
secondly, there are several things i wanted to tweet today, but didn't for fear of losing followers because of overactive tweeting. (some of these i did actually post, but they need more explanation).
1. "two stressful camp dreams in one night? this is getting ridiculous. #goingcrazy" - they were both about missing activities. on the same day. one was a horseback (ha, yah right), and the other was 4th activity science (we were scheduled to talk about relationships).
2. "#inothernews @shelbynoel2 SIX MORE DAYS!!!! #notachristmascountdown." - the louisiana gang that is going to onething is staying in LR on the way, and the girls are with me. PARTAY!
3."i just love getting odd looks because of what i'm wearing. it's not my fault it's not too cold for shorts and chacos. #donthate." - my friend called me at 10:53 asking if i could take her to school. she had to be there at 11. i already had on shorts and a sweatshirt, so i just threw on chacos. it actually wasn't too cold.
4. "being compared to Alex Russo was possibly the best thing that's happened to me all week."
5. the $3.23 i just spent on a single cupcake was SOOOOO worth it." cupcakes on the ridge = heaven. i got a Black Tie Affair: Ghiradelli cupcake with buttercream icing. delicious.
and it's only 3:00. the day is young.
the card was: write a 5 sentence story and read it aloud before your next turn. the story must begin with, "Once upon a time, a circus clown riding a camel watched the sky turn black..." and end with "...Just pop it in your mouth and chew."
this is what happened:
"Once upon a time, a circus clown riding a camel watched the sky turn black before the clock struck 12. The clown wore a silver coat and tie, an lived inside of a pomegranate. Every once in a while, his neighbor, the talking purple-pink tazmanian devil, came over to borrow some mustard. One time the T-D (that's the tazmanian devil) stepped in a hole and fell to China, where he met a lovely little lizard. The lizard was on Hanukah vacation, and he made money by telling people why eating a rock is so easy, claiming, "Just pop it in your mouth and chew."
you can see why this game is great, right? if not, PLEASE go play it. right this second.
secondly, there are several things i wanted to tweet today, but didn't for fear of losing followers because of overactive tweeting. (some of these i did actually post, but they need more explanation).
1. "two stressful camp dreams in one night? this is getting ridiculous. #goingcrazy" - they were both about missing activities. on the same day. one was a horseback (ha, yah right), and the other was 4th activity science (we were scheduled to talk about relationships).
2. "#inothernews @shelbynoel2 SIX MORE DAYS!!!! #notachristmascountdown." - the louisiana gang that is going to onething is staying in LR on the way, and the girls are with me. PARTAY!
3."i just love getting odd looks because of what i'm wearing. it's not my fault it's not too cold for shorts and chacos. #donthate." - my friend called me at 10:53 asking if i could take her to school. she had to be there at 11. i already had on shorts and a sweatshirt, so i just threw on chacos. it actually wasn't too cold.
4. "being compared to Alex Russo was possibly the best thing that's happened to me all week."
5. the $3.23 i just spent on a single cupcake was SOOOOO worth it." cupcakes on the ridge = heaven. i got a Black Tie Affair: Ghiradelli cupcake with buttercream icing. delicious.
and it's only 3:00. the day is young.
12.01.2010
more than an assignment.
bear with me. i've got a lot to say.
so, this weekend (at turkey day) i got some much needed answers. i knew what God had done in my life, but i was stuck. well, i'm still not really un-stuck, but i'm getting there. i realized that my drought was caused my ineffectivness. what was i doing with my faith? absolutely nothing. sure, i have chosen a certain lifestyle that reflects Christ--i hardly ever listen to secular music, i don't swear, drink, smoke, etc.--but how was i using those choices beyond giving myself a good repuation. the question often comes up, "well, what kind of music do you like?" instead of using that to explain that i listen to worship music almost constantly because it keeps righteous thoughts in my head, i would just blow it off and say, "oh, whatever." like usual, i'm not sure where i'm going next with this part of the post, but... well, yeah. i don't know. goal: i need to be more effective
part two: yesterday in my oral comm class, we were assigned the topics for our final speeches next week. my topic: Christian Missions. there are so many places i can go with that. but honestly, i am more excited about doing research for this 8 minute speech than i have been about any other school project. ever. it's giving me a reason to finish Radical by David Platt, and it's also reminding me of many things that were said at onething last year. i'm really being pushed to look into the Biblical call to global missions, and the progress of the Great Commission. the Joshua Project has a website that sort of tracks the unreached people groups around the world. there are just several interest facts that show just where we are on the completion of reaching the whole world. there are several people groups that are unreached or barely reached, but they only account for a small percent of the population. there is only 3% of the world that does not have some sort of gospel recording in their language. THREE PERCENT. the makers and distributors of the Jesus Film have predicted that, at the rate of progress today, the whole world will be reached by 2020. in case you didn't know. that's basically nine years from now. NINE YEARS. i will be 26. will i have done anything to help the progress? i sure hope so. i hope i can look back on this speech and say it gave me insight into the call for global missions, and i hope i can sucessfully inform my class on the Biblical commands and the excuses Christians today use to disobey those commands.
this whole thing is a big slap in the face, really. but that's okay. i need it.
in other news, i was accepted to Belmont! let's party! now all i need is a chance to interview in February, to ROCK that interview, and to be awarded one of five full-rides. i'll keep you updated. there is a decision to be made in March.
so, this weekend (at turkey day) i got some much needed answers. i knew what God had done in my life, but i was stuck. well, i'm still not really un-stuck, but i'm getting there. i realized that my drought was caused my ineffectivness. what was i doing with my faith? absolutely nothing. sure, i have chosen a certain lifestyle that reflects Christ--i hardly ever listen to secular music, i don't swear, drink, smoke, etc.--but how was i using those choices beyond giving myself a good repuation. the question often comes up, "well, what kind of music do you like?" instead of using that to explain that i listen to worship music almost constantly because it keeps righteous thoughts in my head, i would just blow it off and say, "oh, whatever." like usual, i'm not sure where i'm going next with this part of the post, but... well, yeah. i don't know. goal: i need to be more effective
part two: yesterday in my oral comm class, we were assigned the topics for our final speeches next week. my topic: Christian Missions. there are so many places i can go with that. but honestly, i am more excited about doing research for this 8 minute speech than i have been about any other school project. ever. it's giving me a reason to finish Radical by David Platt, and it's also reminding me of many things that were said at onething last year. i'm really being pushed to look into the Biblical call to global missions, and the progress of the Great Commission. the Joshua Project has a website that sort of tracks the unreached people groups around the world. there are just several interest facts that show just where we are on the completion of reaching the whole world. there are several people groups that are unreached or barely reached, but they only account for a small percent of the population. there is only 3% of the world that does not have some sort of gospel recording in their language. THREE PERCENT. the makers and distributors of the Jesus Film have predicted that, at the rate of progress today, the whole world will be reached by 2020. in case you didn't know. that's basically nine years from now. NINE YEARS. i will be 26. will i have done anything to help the progress? i sure hope so. i hope i can look back on this speech and say it gave me insight into the call for global missions, and i hope i can sucessfully inform my class on the Biblical commands and the excuses Christians today use to disobey those commands.
this whole thing is a big slap in the face, really. but that's okay. i need it.
in other news, i was accepted to Belmont! let's party! now all i need is a chance to interview in February, to ROCK that interview, and to be awarded one of five full-rides. i'll keep you updated. there is a decision to be made in March.
11.13.2010
syncing.
i just got a new 32gb 4th gen ipod touch as a reward for my ACT score. i'm stoked. really, though. it's super fun. one thing i'm not having fun with, though, is having to re-sync all of my songs, apps, etc. oh well, it will be well worth it.
in other news, turkey day is in less than two weeks, and i finished my supplemental information for Belmont and i'm mailing my application on Monday!!!!!
mmm.
in other news, turkey day is in less than two weeks, and i finished my supplemental information for Belmont and i'm mailing my application on Monday!!!!!
mmm.
10.26.2010
10.19.2010
i hate editing. i'm sitting down to edit my essays for Belmont. it's torture.
i spend way too much time editing yearbook spreads. that's even worse.
on the bright side, i'm on the swim team. it's great.
and i'm going to see precious Hannah Bushey this Thursday. happy day.
oh, and did i mention i was voted most school spirited by the senior class? yah, two words: BOO. YAH.
i spend way too much time editing yearbook spreads. that's even worse.
on the bright side, i'm on the swim team. it's great.
and i'm going to see precious Hannah Bushey this Thursday. happy day.
oh, and did i mention i was voted most school spirited by the senior class? yah, two words: BOO. YAH.
10.11.2010
and this is my life.
homecoming consumed my life last week. with spirit week, the pep rally/parade, the game, one of my best friends, Hayden, being on court, and the rave (yes, a rave), afterward, i'm exhausted.
let me comment on this rave, really quick. it was probably the cleanest rave ever. and i loved it. i had the most fun. probably because the presh sophomore girls i danced with thought i was really cool and funny. good self-esteem booster.
today i submitted my senior verse and quote for the yearbook. the quote is over there >> under my pic. the verse is this: "How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God." - Psalm 84:1-2. it was between this, 2 cor. 3:17-18, and psalm 27:4.
yah. this is boring
i also just finished my first of three essays for the Belmont application. oh joy.
i'm about to call Shelby.
and this is my life.
let me comment on this rave, really quick. it was probably the cleanest rave ever. and i loved it. i had the most fun. probably because the presh sophomore girls i danced with thought i was really cool and funny. good self-esteem booster.
today i submitted my senior verse and quote for the yearbook. the quote is over there >> under my pic. the verse is this: "How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD of hosts! My soul longs, yes, even faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God." - Psalm 84:1-2. it was between this, 2 cor. 3:17-18, and psalm 27:4.
yah. this is boring
i also just finished my first of three essays for the Belmont application. oh joy.
i'm about to call Shelby.
and this is my life.
9.26.2010
fly.
mmm.
1. it's fall. and by gosh, it's about time... every day, when i drive home, it LOOKS like fall... but when i get out of the car, i immediately start sweating (okay not really, but it sure does feel like it).
2. i'm leading "Holding Nothing Back" at church tonight. and i'm pumped. also, this probably will mean nothing to you guys, but we are now playing with in-ear monitors. it is the best thing to ever happen to our worship band. it really does help SO MUCH.
3. i am going to Nashville this weekend. Belmont preview day. !!!!!! and i get to see Gabi :]]
4. i LOVE being school spirited. i found this really old basketball jersey a couple of weeks ago... i'm not even sure whose it is or how it ended up at my house. but that paired with the beads and cap, it's perfect. my mom thinks i'm crazy. i don't really care. also, this is my great friend, Hayden Miller. i could talk about her for a while, but i just don't have time. she is such a blessing.
1. it's fall. and by gosh, it's about time... every day, when i drive home, it LOOKS like fall... but when i get out of the car, i immediately start sweating (okay not really, but it sure does feel like it).
2. i'm leading "Holding Nothing Back" at church tonight. and i'm pumped. also, this probably will mean nothing to you guys, but we are now playing with in-ear monitors. it is the best thing to ever happen to our worship band. it really does help SO MUCH.
3. i am going to Nashville this weekend. Belmont preview day. !!!!!! and i get to see Gabi :]]
4. i LOVE being school spirited. i found this really old basketball jersey a couple of weeks ago... i'm not even sure whose it is or how it ended up at my house. but that paired with the beads and cap, it's perfect. my mom thinks i'm crazy. i don't really care. also, this is my great friend, Hayden Miller. i could talk about her for a while, but i just don't have time. she is such a blessing.
9.12.2010
dwell.
journal entry:
9/1/2010
"i'm content. Exactly the place didn't want to be--my life is wonderful. i'm seeing the Lord's blessings in every area of my life; but that am i doing to bless Him? sure, i'm still seeking Him, but i have let my focus be pulle away. as i wonder where to go next to pull myself out of this drought, i've come across several scriptures that contain the word DWELL. (psalm 27:4, psalm 84, psalm 61:4, psalm 63). i know what it means to experience the Lord's presence. i've been there! but i should desire to dwell in the presence--to be with Him where He is. sure, He meets me wherever i am, but if i seek Him, we will meet in His glory. my prayer from psalm 51 is "cast me not away from Your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me" (v. 11). i want to be led by the Spirit in everything. i want Him to guide my every thought, word, action, decision...
i desire to dwell in the house of the Lord and submit to everything He guides me to do."
Forever Reign -Hillsong
You are good, You are good when there's nothing good in me. You are love, You are love on display for all to see. You are light, You are light when the darkness closes in. You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin. You are peace, You are peace when my fear is crippling. You are true, You are true even in my wondering. You are joy, You are joy, You're the reason that i sign. You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting. //// oh, i'm running to Your arms. i'm running to Your arms. the riches of Your love will always be enough. nothing compares to Your embrace. light of the world forever reign. //// You are more, You are more than my words will ever say. You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim. You are here, You are here, in Your presence i'm made whole. You are God, You are God, of all else i'm letting go. //// my heart will sing no other name, Jesus. Jesus.
9/1/2010
"i'm content. Exactly the place didn't want to be--my life is wonderful. i'm seeing the Lord's blessings in every area of my life; but that am i doing to bless Him? sure, i'm still seeking Him, but i have let my focus be pulle away. as i wonder where to go next to pull myself out of this drought, i've come across several scriptures that contain the word DWELL. (psalm 27:4, psalm 84, psalm 61:4, psalm 63). i know what it means to experience the Lord's presence. i've been there! but i should desire to dwell in the presence--to be with Him where He is. sure, He meets me wherever i am, but if i seek Him, we will meet in His glory. my prayer from psalm 51 is "cast me not away from Your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me" (v. 11). i want to be led by the Spirit in everything. i want Him to guide my every thought, word, action, decision...
i desire to dwell in the house of the Lord and submit to everything He guides me to do."
Forever Reign -Hillsong
You are good, You are good when there's nothing good in me. You are love, You are love on display for all to see. You are light, You are light when the darkness closes in. You are hope, You are hope, You have covered all my sin. You are peace, You are peace when my fear is crippling. You are true, You are true even in my wondering. You are joy, You are joy, You're the reason that i sign. You are life, You are life, in You death has lost its sting. //// oh, i'm running to Your arms. i'm running to Your arms. the riches of Your love will always be enough. nothing compares to Your embrace. light of the world forever reign. //// You are more, You are more than my words will ever say. You are Lord, You are Lord, all creation will proclaim. You are here, You are here, in Your presence i'm made whole. You are God, You are God, of all else i'm letting go. //// my heart will sing no other name, Jesus. Jesus.
9.09.2010
ASL.
if i could post a blog in sign language, i would.
maybe someday, when i know how to say more things, i will make a video and post it.
seriously. this class is changing my life. okay, not really. but it is so wonderful!
maybe someday, when i know how to say more things, i will make a video and post it.
seriously. this class is changing my life. okay, not really. but it is so wonderful!
8.24.2010
restored.
i came out of chapel today thoroughly uplifted and encouraged. completely in awe of the Lord. when we ended, i didn't even want to have to get up and walk to class.
it probably didn't hurt that i was able to go into the 45 minute time of worship with an attitude of reverance. i was ready to start the year off on a good note. and that's exactly what we did. now, probably not anywhere close to everyone felt this way. but i sat at the front, so i was not constricted my limited space, crowded rows. i was free to worship how i was comfortable. and it was so freeing. surrounded by 10 or so seniors, i was overwhelmed with everything that we were going to be able to accomplish this year in our role of leadership. i pray that we don't lose sight of the goal and that we are able to walk hand in hand with the Lord so that He may lead through or around every obstacle that will try to stand in our way.
it was a great day.
besides chapel, i had teacher's assistant, sign language [sooo great! i know the pledge of allegiance!], and worldview. while we're on this note, my worldview class is so incredible! that's another really encouraging part of my year so far. i love my teacher. she is so real with us and cares that we understand what is going on in the world around us and how to live real Christian lives. anyways. i could go on forever about that.
but also today: i went to blue coast burrito for lunch. i looked really really cute [i wore a cardigan], i got free coffee from the principal--and an invitation to drop by and get some whenever. yes!, i took a nap, worked on a physics project. ah!
if you couldn't tell, i had an INCREDIBLE day**. oh gosh. i'm seeing lately that God is so faithful in the little. i mean, not many of the things that brought me joy today are significant in the grand scheme of life, but God uses the small events to lift my spirits, and sometimes that's exactly what I need.
"i'll always love you. rain, rain down, rain down your love. wake me up." - ian mcintosh, Awakened
**the only thing that has gone wrong is that i seem to have misplaced one of my bibles. for the love of peter. it's nowhere to be found! sorry, it's just super frustrating. kay. bye.
it probably didn't hurt that i was able to go into the 45 minute time of worship with an attitude of reverance. i was ready to start the year off on a good note. and that's exactly what we did. now, probably not anywhere close to everyone felt this way. but i sat at the front, so i was not constricted my limited space, crowded rows. i was free to worship how i was comfortable. and it was so freeing. surrounded by 10 or so seniors, i was overwhelmed with everything that we were going to be able to accomplish this year in our role of leadership. i pray that we don't lose sight of the goal and that we are able to walk hand in hand with the Lord so that He may lead through or around every obstacle that will try to stand in our way.
it was a great day.
besides chapel, i had teacher's assistant, sign language [sooo great! i know the pledge of allegiance!], and worldview. while we're on this note, my worldview class is so incredible! that's another really encouraging part of my year so far. i love my teacher. she is so real with us and cares that we understand what is going on in the world around us and how to live real Christian lives. anyways. i could go on forever about that.
but also today: i went to blue coast burrito for lunch. i looked really really cute [i wore a cardigan], i got free coffee from the principal--and an invitation to drop by and get some whenever. yes!, i took a nap, worked on a physics project. ah!
if you couldn't tell, i had an INCREDIBLE day**. oh gosh. i'm seeing lately that God is so faithful in the little. i mean, not many of the things that brought me joy today are significant in the grand scheme of life, but God uses the small events to lift my spirits, and sometimes that's exactly what I need.
"i'll always love you. rain, rain down, rain down your love. wake me up." - ian mcintosh, Awakened
**the only thing that has gone wrong is that i seem to have misplaced one of my bibles. for the love of peter. it's nowhere to be found! sorry, it's just super frustrating. kay. bye.
8.19.2010
breakout
we did it.
our senior prank was successful.
yesterday (on the first day of school) we astonished 365 unsuspecting underclassmen with our rad dance moves. yes, we did a breakout dance in the commons. yes, it WAS copied from the Jai Ho breakout at ole miss. but it still was the most fun i have had at school, probably ever. (it made the local news and is now on youtube).
this was after we spent our first morning as seniors (after staying up all night at senior campout) greeting elementary students, wishing them a fantastic first day, handing out granola bars, and even making a tunnel!
i am so blessed to be a part of the class of 2011 at LRCA. i'm not just saying that, either. we really have grown closer and this year is going to hold so many oppurtunities for us to serve our community. i couldn't be more excited.
so, all-in-all, i had a TERRIFIC first day yesterday. it definitely helps that my classes are amazing (especially sign language! i'm pumped fasho).
my life is good. no. great.
our senior prank was successful.
yesterday (on the first day of school) we astonished 365 unsuspecting underclassmen with our rad dance moves. yes, we did a breakout dance in the commons. yes, it WAS copied from the Jai Ho breakout at ole miss. but it still was the most fun i have had at school, probably ever. (it made the local news and is now on youtube).
this was after we spent our first morning as seniors (after staying up all night at senior campout) greeting elementary students, wishing them a fantastic first day, handing out granola bars, and even making a tunnel!
i am so blessed to be a part of the class of 2011 at LRCA. i'm not just saying that, either. we really have grown closer and this year is going to hold so many oppurtunities for us to serve our community. i couldn't be more excited.
so, all-in-all, i had a TERRIFIC first day yesterday. it definitely helps that my classes are amazing (especially sign language! i'm pumped fasho).
my life is good. no. great.
8.11.2010
7.23.2010
what it all comes down to
i want to update you on my life. but if i wrote it all down here it would be 1. really long and 2. really boring.
i don't really have a way with words. but what i can say is this:
God is faithful. in my weakest times (physically, mentally, spiritually) i can always find what i need through His word and fellowship with other believers. i don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this. but honestly. over the course of the past few weeks i have seen what God will do in our lives if we rely on Him and trust in His timing.
now i'm not saying this is an easy task for me. at all. i am a worrier. if i want something to happen or go a certain way, i constantly think about what i can do to make it happen. i'm learning to catch myself in the midst of that, stop, and pray for patience because i have seen God work seemingly impossible things out for His kingdom and i don't want to get in the way of that.
i guess that's my point of interest from this summer. now i'm off to work, summer reading, college boot camp, yearbook planning, etc, etc. let the fun begin ;]
i don't really have a way with words. but what i can say is this:
God is faithful. in my weakest times (physically, mentally, spiritually) i can always find what i need through His word and fellowship with other believers. i don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this. but honestly. over the course of the past few weeks i have seen what God will do in our lives if we rely on Him and trust in His timing.
now i'm not saying this is an easy task for me. at all. i am a worrier. if i want something to happen or go a certain way, i constantly think about what i can do to make it happen. i'm learning to catch myself in the midst of that, stop, and pray for patience because i have seen God work seemingly impossible things out for His kingdom and i don't want to get in the way of that.
i guess that's my point of interest from this summer. now i'm off to work, summer reading, college boot camp, yearbook planning, etc, etc. let the fun begin ;]
5.29.2010
so the whole point of this post is to share with you all an interesting fact about me: i love to pack! i know, i know. it seems crazy, but i really do! for long trips (camps, etc.) i usually "start packing" about a week in advance. now, when i say "start packing" i mean, i just get out my duffel bag and set it at the end of my bed. if there is something i see that i know i'm not going to use before i leave, i just pile it on top. this is where i start*:
which brings me to my beloved duffel bag: oh my goodness it's probably unhealthy to love a bag as much as i love this thing. it has backpack straps. and it's a wonderful color. and yeah.
okay yes. so, because we leave for MO for Student Life camp next monday (then camp!!!), the bag is out! holla!! okay. and here's a couple pics from the first weekend of summer!
we had 13 hammocks up. it was pro.
okay that's all for now. happy summer!
*please disregard the dull, undecorated wall right there. my room was JUST painted. still haven't gotten stuff back up.
5.13.2010
consider it pure joy.
"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7
"Rejoice always. Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
my 17th birthday is sunday. this afternoon i come home to my mom asking me who was coming over tomorrow night. i told her "no one." am i not having a birthday party? why? this is what she wants to know. when i tell her that i wanted to go to prayer group instead... bad idea. this triggered lots of comments about how i was withdrawing from everything. and i never did anything anymore. i have heard this dozens of times. and it still has never made sense to me. the conversation shifted to basically condemnation for not wanting a birthday party. i haven't had a "birthday party" since 5th grade, and, quite frankly, i don't even like birthdays. i'm not big on attention, and birthdays are typicall very cliche and insincere.*
i talked to Joy. she shared some verses with me. many of them (james 1:2, etc) say to endure trials. trials will produce perserverance, etc. those are long-term results. i find that, many times, i have trouble knowing what to do RIGHT NOW. how do i handle the small problems that are slung my way? pray constantly. it's harder than it sounds.
Psalm 18: 16-19 says, "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my distress, but the Lord was my support. He brought me to a wide-open place; He rescued me because He delighted in me."
if i had to pick a favorite chapter of the Bible, it would be Psalm 18. God always finds a way to tell me something new, no matter where i am. i'm not saying my parents are my enemies. because they are NOT. we were put into each other's lives for a reason. but it certainly does seem that Satan is using flaws in our relationships to beat me down. many times my cry is simply "stop!" Satan, stop it. just GO AWAY!
i just lost my train of thought. i think i'm just really frustrated because things aren't working out. i'm not surprised... i've never been the most patient person. watching the awakening right now is making me just want to get up and dance! i wish i could. but i would get weird looks, you know ;]. okay yeah i completely forgot the point i was trying to make. i'm going to get back to my creative writing assignment now.
love you guys.
*if i am cynical about one thing, it's definitely birthdays. i just don't like them. at all. kay.
"Rejoice always. Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
my 17th birthday is sunday. this afternoon i come home to my mom asking me who was coming over tomorrow night. i told her "no one." am i not having a birthday party? why? this is what she wants to know. when i tell her that i wanted to go to prayer group instead... bad idea. this triggered lots of comments about how i was withdrawing from everything. and i never did anything anymore. i have heard this dozens of times. and it still has never made sense to me. the conversation shifted to basically condemnation for not wanting a birthday party. i haven't had a "birthday party" since 5th grade, and, quite frankly, i don't even like birthdays. i'm not big on attention, and birthdays are typicall very cliche and insincere.*
i talked to Joy. she shared some verses with me. many of them (james 1:2, etc) say to endure trials. trials will produce perserverance, etc. those are long-term results. i find that, many times, i have trouble knowing what to do RIGHT NOW. how do i handle the small problems that are slung my way? pray constantly. it's harder than it sounds.
Psalm 18: 16-19 says, "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my distress, but the Lord was my support. He brought me to a wide-open place; He rescued me because He delighted in me."
if i had to pick a favorite chapter of the Bible, it would be Psalm 18. God always finds a way to tell me something new, no matter where i am. i'm not saying my parents are my enemies. because they are NOT. we were put into each other's lives for a reason. but it certainly does seem that Satan is using flaws in our relationships to beat me down. many times my cry is simply "stop!" Satan, stop it. just GO AWAY!
i just lost my train of thought. i think i'm just really frustrated because things aren't working out. i'm not surprised... i've never been the most patient person. watching the awakening right now is making me just want to get up and dance! i wish i could. but i would get weird looks, you know ;]. okay yeah i completely forgot the point i was trying to make. i'm going to get back to my creative writing assignment now.
love you guys.
*if i am cynical about one thing, it's definitely birthdays. i just don't like them. at all. kay.
5.07.2010
it's that time.
you can tell when it's the end of the semester because blogs haven't been updated in a couple of weeks... this is my busy week (three ap tests and the act) but i still have to go sit in a desk every day for the next two weeks. my only thing left is an art final and a tiny worldview paper.
anyway. i'm on day 8 of my awful week. and so far i'm just really tired and getting a sore throat, etc. but other than that i'm making it. i've made it through the ap cal and ap lit tests so far. and it's us history today. then work. then prayer group 'till the wee hours of the morning. then i am going to, by some miracle, get up tomorrow morning to take the act (if i can raise it three points, i don't ever have to take it again!!). then it's off to hot springs for me! which is pretty pointless. 1. the lake is cold. 2. by the time i get ther everyone will already be out on the lake, so i will be sitting at the house alone. awesome. i would rather stay here and go to a graduation party for my dear friend Sarah. and be able to go to church sunday morning. but you know, it's okay. there will be other times.
in other news. 10 days left of school. 28 days until camp :]]
anyway. i'm on day 8 of my awful week. and so far i'm just really tired and getting a sore throat, etc. but other than that i'm making it. i've made it through the ap cal and ap lit tests so far. and it's us history today. then work. then prayer group 'till the wee hours of the morning. then i am going to, by some miracle, get up tomorrow morning to take the act (if i can raise it three points, i don't ever have to take it again!!). then it's off to hot springs for me! which is pretty pointless. 1. the lake is cold. 2. by the time i get ther everyone will already be out on the lake, so i will be sitting at the house alone. awesome. i would rather stay here and go to a graduation party for my dear friend Sarah. and be able to go to church sunday morning. but you know, it's okay. there will be other times.
in other news. 10 days left of school. 28 days until camp :]]
4.26.2010
prom?
was prom really all it's cracked up to be? i'm not real sure.
yes, it was very fun. and yes, i loved not having to come home at a certain time. i slept from 3:30 to 7:30 [i had to get up for church because the worship team was playing in the service] then came home and slept from 1 to 5. but all in all, prom wasn't a huge, life-changing experience.
but anyway, here are a couple pictures:
this is my date, kunhee. it is also the only full-length picture i have... bummer.
julianna, bethany, and i
haha this is so... perfect.
this is my really great friend [and assistant yearbook editor] andrew.
4.22.2010
i'm a big kid now.
you know how you always feel really old? even though, in reality, you aren't. yeah i feel like that a lot. here's why:
1. i got my cartilage pierced the other day. and it's not a big deal. but i just love it, and it makes me feel old because i've been asking my mom for a couple years now... yeah. so.
b. prom is this weekend. prom is just like the "typical" big kid thing. idk. it's what all the movies and books are about. it's the older kids, etc. yeah whatever. but anyways. i'm excited. [i'm not going home until 5 or 6 sunday morning, and i have to be at church at 8:30 to sing/play in service. i will let you know how all that goes. haha, and don't you worry i'll post pics!
those are the reasons right now.
but as i'm sure most of you have seen on twitter/facebook. i am working camp! i always pretty much knew i was. but i was just really overwhelmed with everything that was going on. and it was really hard to be patient. but, the decision was final as of last night. it's like as soon as i gave it up,* He answered me! and i don't think i've ever been more excited! it's just a huge sign that this is where i'm supposed to be and that God is going to do some AWESOME things!!
bahhhhh!
mkay, love you all.
*now, this doesn't mean i didn't think about it all the time, because i did. but it's just that i didn't worry about if i was going to be there or not. i just let it work itself out.
1. i got my cartilage pierced the other day. and it's not a big deal. but i just love it, and it makes me feel old because i've been asking my mom for a couple years now... yeah. so.
b. prom is this weekend. prom is just like the "typical" big kid thing. idk. it's what all the movies and books are about. it's the older kids, etc. yeah whatever. but anyways. i'm excited. [i'm not going home until 5 or 6 sunday morning, and i have to be at church at 8:30 to sing/play in service. i will let you know how all that goes. haha, and don't you worry i'll post pics!
those are the reasons right now.
but as i'm sure most of you have seen on twitter/facebook. i am working camp! i always pretty much knew i was. but i was just really overwhelmed with everything that was going on. and it was really hard to be patient. but, the decision was final as of last night. it's like as soon as i gave it up,* He answered me! and i don't think i've ever been more excited! it's just a huge sign that this is where i'm supposed to be and that God is going to do some AWESOME things!!
bahhhhh!
mkay, love you all.
*now, this doesn't mean i didn't think about it all the time, because i did. but it's just that i didn't worry about if i was going to be there or not. i just let it work itself out.
4.15.2010
i don't really ever plan on driving with my windows up ever again.*
um i am going to baylor tomorrow for a visit. woot? idk. i have mixed emotions about it, i guess. i am getting up at the crack of dawn (actually before). yeah.
also, i just turned on the Awakening for the first time in over a week. they've revamped the player. it's pretty sweet looking. yeah.
okay that's all. i'm just bored.
*at least until it gets cold. and with the exception of rainy days.
um i am going to baylor tomorrow for a visit. woot? idk. i have mixed emotions about it, i guess. i am getting up at the crack of dawn (actually before). yeah.
also, i just turned on the Awakening for the first time in over a week. they've revamped the player. it's pretty sweet looking. yeah.
okay that's all. i'm just bored.
*at least until it gets cold. and with the exception of rainy days.
4.08.2010
springggg.
i do love to post pictures. especially ones of things i have accomplished. yessss! so here i go:
these first couple are from a fun day at the park with the gang. we all took our dogs and just sat around/played frisbee/played guitar. basically we just enjoyed each other's company.
we set up the hammocks 4 high. i climbed to the top like a pro. then took them all down when it was time. checkkkk.
rolling over to get out of one of the hammocks on the way down. goofy.
from ski trip. i just love this picture.
so much fun. this is at the top of the mountain at winter park. just thought i'd share some fun bits of my life with you.
4.05.2010
have Your way
if i have learned one thing from all this, it's patience. dang. i haven't gotten a straightforward answer yet, but i guess they have come around a little bit. haha i don't know. but anyway.
i woke up friday morning and the first thing i thought was "i'm going to be at camp this summer." i don't know where on earth it came from ;] but hey, i'll take it.
i also woke up thinking about starburst jellybeans* and singing "You never said the road would be easy but You said that You would never leave. You never promised that this life wasn't hard but You promised You'd take care of me. so i'll stop searching for the answers, i'll stop praying for an escape. and i'll trust You, God with where i am, and believe that You will have Your way." from Have Your Way by Britt Nicole. it was strange for me. i'm usually not overwhelmed by my thoughts when i first wake up.
but that song is my prayer.
now, as for the rest of my life. ohh man, things are great. i got my prom dress, i don't have to take calculus next year. i am going to be the yearbook editor. AND i am taking sign language. goodness, it's going to be oh so fun. yipppeee!!!!
*i'm not sure if i was just craving them, but the thought of this delicious fruity candy consumed my mind. they are SUPER delicious.
i woke up friday morning and the first thing i thought was "i'm going to be at camp this summer." i don't know where on earth it came from ;] but hey, i'll take it.
i also woke up thinking about starburst jellybeans* and singing "You never said the road would be easy but You said that You would never leave. You never promised that this life wasn't hard but You promised You'd take care of me. so i'll stop searching for the answers, i'll stop praying for an escape. and i'll trust You, God with where i am, and believe that You will have Your way." from Have Your Way by Britt Nicole. it was strange for me. i'm usually not overwhelmed by my thoughts when i first wake up.
but that song is my prayer.
now, as for the rest of my life. ohh man, things are great. i got my prom dress, i don't have to take calculus next year. i am going to be the yearbook editor. AND i am taking sign language. goodness, it's going to be oh so fun. yipppeee!!!!
*i'm not sure if i was just craving them, but the thought of this delicious fruity candy consumed my mind. they are SUPER delicious.
3.30.2010
here goes nothing.
i didn't realize how big of a deal this was.
i've never really written a note in order to express my feelings before. but i just did. after talking to Joyana about everything with my parents, i realized how frustrated i was. she suggested that i write a note so that i could get everything out without interruptions and emotions, and without it having to be a conversation. i have tried having conversations with them, but it's just not working.
i'm pretty much scared to death to give it to them, and i'm not sure how or when i'm going to do it. i just know that it has to be done.
so if you think about it, say a quick prayer for me. and my parents.
i love you all.
i've never really written a note in order to express my feelings before. but i just did. after talking to Joyana about everything with my parents, i realized how frustrated i was. she suggested that i write a note so that i could get everything out without interruptions and emotions, and without it having to be a conversation. i have tried having conversations with them, but it's just not working.
i'm pretty much scared to death to give it to them, and i'm not sure how or when i'm going to do it. i just know that it has to be done.
so if you think about it, say a quick prayer for me. and my parents.
i love you all.
3.23.2010
independence.
one of my older friends put it this way, "haha, this is funny. you are too independent for your parents." i think this comes from there being such a gap in my childhood. there were either adults or toddlers. i had to figure something out. but anyway, that's beside the point.
i'm sure most everyone, sometime in their high school career, feels this way. i'm not sure i remember the last time i made an important decision for myself. and it's frustrating. i think what is triggering this right now is my plans for this summer. i have been praying for months, literally, that God will provide His plan for my life. i got the answer to that prayer in the mail last week. i recieved a piece of paper with five weeks circled. 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. as i rejoiced, i began to realize all the incredible things that are going to happen this summer. i couldn't help but to run around the Winter Park base [this is where i was when i found out]!
as soon as my parents had a chance to, they told me i had to pick one week to work. i didn't respond for a while. i needed a chance to think and pray about it. i did. i simply couldn't come to peace about the whole situation. when i finally talked to them, i realized that it wasn't just camp that i was upset about it. it was everything. the way they don't approve of my prayer meetings. the way the things i do aren't "mainstream" in their words. and, when i told them i had been praying about this, they blew me off.
normal teenagers are only friends with people from school and church, and i should be a normal teenager and be involved in youth group and my school [i am at church more than anyone in my youth group. i just got back from a class trip, and i am going to be the yearbook editor next year].
their other argument is that i need to stay here and work a real job. while i do understand this point, i think that their main problem is that they think i only go to camp for friendships. now, don't get me wrong, the relationships i have made at camp are some of the greatest things that have ever happened to me. i can't even begin to explain the impact many girls have had on my life. but beyond that, working camp was the hardest, most stressful, most insane, most AMAZING thing i have ever done. nothing can beat playing volleyball with a bunch of sixth and seventh graders in the afternoon, only to later have the oppurtunity to pour wisdom into their lives. you guys know, this is one of the best feelings ever. i don't have to explain it any more.
i guess i'm just stuck. i don't know what to do. i guess i would have an easier time giving up this summer if my parents hadn't made it clear that they just "don't like" the fact that most of my best friends are from camp. i guess i just don't understand why on earth they would be disappointed that i want to spend my saturday nights with ten other teenagers praying and worshipping God. it's frustrating. that is all. i am confused. i need prayer.
Jesus, give me strength.
i'm sure most everyone, sometime in their high school career, feels this way. i'm not sure i remember the last time i made an important decision for myself. and it's frustrating. i think what is triggering this right now is my plans for this summer. i have been praying for months, literally, that God will provide His plan for my life. i got the answer to that prayer in the mail last week. i recieved a piece of paper with five weeks circled. 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. as i rejoiced, i began to realize all the incredible things that are going to happen this summer. i couldn't help but to run around the Winter Park base [this is where i was when i found out]!
as soon as my parents had a chance to, they told me i had to pick one week to work. i didn't respond for a while. i needed a chance to think and pray about it. i did. i simply couldn't come to peace about the whole situation. when i finally talked to them, i realized that it wasn't just camp that i was upset about it. it was everything. the way they don't approve of my prayer meetings. the way the things i do aren't "mainstream" in their words. and, when i told them i had been praying about this, they blew me off.
normal teenagers are only friends with people from school and church, and i should be a normal teenager and be involved in youth group and my school [i am at church more than anyone in my youth group. i just got back from a class trip, and i am going to be the yearbook editor next year].
their other argument is that i need to stay here and work a real job. while i do understand this point, i think that their main problem is that they think i only go to camp for friendships. now, don't get me wrong, the relationships i have made at camp are some of the greatest things that have ever happened to me. i can't even begin to explain the impact many girls have had on my life. but beyond that, working camp was the hardest, most stressful, most insane, most AMAZING thing i have ever done. nothing can beat playing volleyball with a bunch of sixth and seventh graders in the afternoon, only to later have the oppurtunity to pour wisdom into their lives. you guys know, this is one of the best feelings ever. i don't have to explain it any more.
i guess i'm just stuck. i don't know what to do. i guess i would have an easier time giving up this summer if my parents hadn't made it clear that they just "don't like" the fact that most of my best friends are from camp. i guess i just don't understand why on earth they would be disappointed that i want to spend my saturday nights with ten other teenagers praying and worshipping God. it's frustrating. that is all. i am confused. i need prayer.
Jesus, give me strength.
3.12.2010
3.08.2010
i can cross one thing off my "to do" list:
slacklining.
this is quite possibly the hardest, MOST LEGIT thing i have ever done. we went saturday AND sunday. saturday i barely managed to stand. and by the end of one hour on sunday i had take TWO, count 'em, TWO steps! blahhhh!
nathan is basically pro. haha not really. but definitely better than everyone else.
cash? yeah, not so much...
this is when i FINALLY stood for about three seconds on saturday. victory!yeah, you should try it sometime.
2.28.2010
joy.
never in my life have i experienced the joy of the LORD as heavy as it has been this past week. ever since meeting with Nathan and Philip last week i have been going crazy! no joke. i can't help but run and jump and dance around. i just want to dance through the hallways at school. i can't stop talking. i normally don't talk a lot. but this week, i could not shut up. i just have this incredibly energy from Jesus and it's supa great. i really don't even know what to do about it. all i know is that if this is what life is going to be like from now on, i can not wait! oh geeeez.
um i feel like there was something else i was going to say. blehhh. oh well. for now, please enjoy these two pictures from my retreat this weekend.
it's a good thing i don't mind looking ridiculous.
2.21.2010
well it's been a while. like over a week. when i'm busy, blogging is NOT the first thing i think about. here are some highlights of the past week
-we won the relay i was in at swim districts and our girls got third overall.
-ECHO this past week was INCREDIBLE!
-calculus is continuing to kick my butt.
-philip, nathan, and i had a legit prayer and worship time last night. ohhh man.
-Jesus has been so so so so good to me!
that's my life in a nutshell: school, work, homework, worship band, church, JESUS.
i feel like i was writing this for a specific reason, but i just can not remember what that reason was. God has just been blessing us in marvelous ways! we've all been praying for people to surround ourselves with, and with nathan getting delivered from everything, doors have just opened up incredibly! just knowing that we can get together whenever and chill and goof off or have really intense spontaneous worship sessions is wonderful! ah! i just can not get over how good our Lord is to us! mmmmmm.
okay i'll stop rambling now.
Praise Jesus.
-we won the relay i was in at swim districts and our girls got third overall.
-ECHO this past week was INCREDIBLE!
-calculus is continuing to kick my butt.
-philip, nathan, and i had a legit prayer and worship time last night. ohhh man.
-Jesus has been so so so so good to me!
that's my life in a nutshell: school, work, homework, worship band, church, JESUS.
i feel like i was writing this for a specific reason, but i just can not remember what that reason was. God has just been blessing us in marvelous ways! we've all been praying for people to surround ourselves with, and with nathan getting delivered from everything, doors have just opened up incredibly! just knowing that we can get together whenever and chill and goof off or have really intense spontaneous worship sessions is wonderful! ah! i just can not get over how good our Lord is to us! mmmmmm.
okay i'll stop rambling now.
Praise Jesus.
2.11.2010
at last
"Father, i desire that they all soon, whom You have given me, will be with me where i am. this is what the cross was to Jesus: not a duty that must be fulfilled but a divine vow that He anxiously desired and earnestly longed to give. He did not go through life dreading it, but rather longed for it, knowing that it was His calling and purpose in life as a man on earth at that time to betrothe a fallen harlet back to Himself. i knew that He wanted me to express this to His beloved, how He joyously yearned to get to the cross, looking forward to it as a bridegroom longs for his wedding day. and that upon spilling His blood in recompense, it was, in every sense, His greatest testament and vow of love to us. now He asks that we would make a vow of like kind. that His love would not be scorned, but rather joyously returned. we are the joy set before Him, and now we must set Him as the joy before us. so take up your cross and make your vow. for justice carries mercy and mercy acts in love and love is what defines the means by which the justice does. and thereby, i have come here that true love might be known. for joy is set before me, and, at last, the day has come."
-audra lynn
-audra lynn
2.07.2010
homecoming
the week of homecoming is always an exciting time. you all know this. and this homecoming week really wasn't any different than the 5 other homecomings of my high school career. but here are some pictures that explain the week.
for boy band day Sidney, Sarah, Jenna and I were the Newsboys. we fashioned accessories out of newspaper. very creative.
Meredith [middle] was on court and our sweet friend Hannah came to see her! the three of us were inseparable in elementary school! so fun!
so the school put on this show called "ntunes." yeah so it was basically a bunch of high school students singing today's hit songs. it was so so good! this is my friend tyler. he's so fun!
Charley and i before i left for formal.
the super fun group of girls i went with!
Basketball Homecoming 2010
British Invasion
for boy band day Sidney, Sarah, Jenna and I were the Newsboys. we fashioned accessories out of newspaper. very creative. 
Meredith [middle] was on court and our sweet friend Hannah came to see her! the three of us were inseparable in elementary school! so fun!
so the school put on this show called "ntunes." yeah so it was basically a bunch of high school students singing today's hit songs. it was so so good! this is my friend tyler. he's so fun!
Charley and i before i left for formal.
the super fun group of girls i went with! 
courtney hampton [aka the love of my life] i wish this picture was better. but i still love her oh so much!
2.02.2010
1.27.2010
oops.
i should have prioritized better last night.
we played PA. [and lost]. when i got home, i had to check the Belmont/Lipscomb score. [Belmont lost, too]. i took a shower. around 10:15 i started my homework. i normally like to have it done and be in bed by then. not the case. but anyway, i started with a "demonology"article and response because i figured it would not take very long. false. it was really interesting and i had strong opinions about what the author was saying... so much for a quick read. but then i had calculus. and i should have done it considering i have a HUGE test today [in 30 minutes... oh no!]. but alas, i did not. i went to sleep. and now i'm freaking out because i know what on earth is going on...
not to mention i am in yearbook and i have 5 spreads due on monday. awesome.
we played PA. [and lost]. when i got home, i had to check the Belmont/Lipscomb score. [Belmont lost, too]. i took a shower. around 10:15 i started my homework. i normally like to have it done and be in bed by then. not the case. but anyway, i started with a "demonology"article and response because i figured it would not take very long. false. it was really interesting and i had strong opinions about what the author was saying... so much for a quick read. but then i had calculus. and i should have done it considering i have a HUGE test today [in 30 minutes... oh no!]. but alas, i did not. i went to sleep. and now i'm freaking out because i know what on earth is going on...
not to mention i am in yearbook and i have 5 spreads due on monday. awesome.
1.19.2010
as of late.
"i am the rose, the joy for which You died. and this i know, i move You with delight"
i am in awe of the love that Christ has for us. lately, this love has implanted itself in my brain. i can't stop thinking of the passion and ardor that Jesus has.
"i am my Beloved's and He is mine. so come into Your garden and take delight in me." "He's faithful to the end, He's faithful to my heart, He's faithful to the end, He will come and marry me." "always, You have loved me. ever thinking of me." "...with fire in His eyes, He's jealous for His bride." "there's gonna be a wedding. it's the reason that i'm living. to marry the lamb." "everything You do just screams 'i love you.' what am i that You would love me like you do? who am i that You should care? what is man?"
these are just a few of the lyrics from songs that have been constantly in my head. lately my eyes have been opened to the... well just the passion that Jesus has for His bride, and the desire in His heart for us to share that passion. i'm sorry. i am completely at a loss for words. even through every single one of our faults and our sins, Christ's love never fades. He will always desire for us to be with Him for eternity. there is nothing we can do that will take that away. many times it is hard to walk with Him. i'm not talking about major sins like... i don't know... "bad things." i'm talking about living out the passion that is in our hearts. we so easily get distracted by EVERYTHING around us. i speak for myself as much as, if not more than, everyone else.
but even beyond His love, there is so much more to our relationships with Christ. experiencing His presence, seeing the world through His eyes, seeing the beauty of His grace. ah!
Jesus is just so beautiful! and i've only just caught a glimpse of everything He is capable of. if you read this, you can tell that it is hard for me to express in words what my thoughts are. i just know that, even though going back to school is going to be very difficult (the first day was already hard), i am always going to have something to fall back on. i am going to need the Lord's supernatural strength to stand up and be the torch that i am supposed to be.
i just have so many mixed emotions right now. love, fear, passion, weariness, excitement. ah. i just don't even know what is going on. all i know is i have a really really good feeling about this semester. :] Jesus is so good!
thank you for sticking it out. this isn't where i was trying to go. and really, i didn't go anywhere. so yeah. i just needing to get that out.
p.s. sidenote: Psalm 18? so incredible! i am captivated and just so thankful for everything the Lord has done for us. also, Cory Asbury's song version of it is supagreat.
i am in awe of the love that Christ has for us. lately, this love has implanted itself in my brain. i can't stop thinking of the passion and ardor that Jesus has.
"i am my Beloved's and He is mine. so come into Your garden and take delight in me." "He's faithful to the end, He's faithful to my heart, He's faithful to the end, He will come and marry me." "always, You have loved me. ever thinking of me." "...with fire in His eyes, He's jealous for His bride." "there's gonna be a wedding. it's the reason that i'm living. to marry the lamb." "everything You do just screams 'i love you.' what am i that You would love me like you do? who am i that You should care? what is man?"
these are just a few of the lyrics from songs that have been constantly in my head. lately my eyes have been opened to the... well just the passion that Jesus has for His bride, and the desire in His heart for us to share that passion. i'm sorry. i am completely at a loss for words. even through every single one of our faults and our sins, Christ's love never fades. He will always desire for us to be with Him for eternity. there is nothing we can do that will take that away. many times it is hard to walk with Him. i'm not talking about major sins like... i don't know... "bad things." i'm talking about living out the passion that is in our hearts. we so easily get distracted by EVERYTHING around us. i speak for myself as much as, if not more than, everyone else.
but even beyond His love, there is so much more to our relationships with Christ. experiencing His presence, seeing the world through His eyes, seeing the beauty of His grace. ah!
Jesus is just so beautiful! and i've only just caught a glimpse of everything He is capable of. if you read this, you can tell that it is hard for me to express in words what my thoughts are. i just know that, even though going back to school is going to be very difficult (the first day was already hard), i am always going to have something to fall back on. i am going to need the Lord's supernatural strength to stand up and be the torch that i am supposed to be.
i just have so many mixed emotions right now. love, fear, passion, weariness, excitement. ah. i just don't even know what is going on. all i know is i have a really really good feeling about this semester. :] Jesus is so good!
thank you for sticking it out. this isn't where i was trying to go. and really, i didn't go anywhere. so yeah. i just needing to get that out.
p.s. sidenote: Psalm 18? so incredible! i am captivated and just so thankful for everything the Lord has done for us. also, Cory Asbury's song version of it is supagreat.
1.15.2010
and the search continues...
most of you probably, at some point or another, heard me explain my j-term project. if you did not, rejoice! because it is not very interesting. but anywho--a brief synopsis: i researched careers and college majors the first week. i "shadowed" 6 different people in VERY different jobs ranging from home-infusion pharmacy to public relations. at the end of the second week, i visited three colleges.
i just got home from these visits (to Rhodes, Vanderbilt, and Belmont) and i'm going to jot down a few things before i forget.
i just got home from these visits (to Rhodes, Vanderbilt, and Belmont) and i'm going to jot down a few things before i forget.
Rhodes: super great! i loved it so much. one downside is that it is a very liberal school, and i mean, it wouldn't be too difficult to find good, Christian people to surround myself with, but it would definitely be more difficult than other places. i could study really anything i wanted to but the majors are very general. but nevertheless, it is definitely still in the running. i love that it is small, liberal arts, and GORGEOUS! okay yeah. moving on. [one highlight: there was a really attractive boy being recruited for football who wanted to be a theatre major. ;) yes?]
Vanderbilt: i don't have much to say on this school. i just flat out didn't like it. the campus as too spread out, and it definitely had the feel of a bigger school, which i just don't care for. the people also just weren't very nice. they were all just a bit too snobby for me. [highlight: most interesting fact: there is a 3:1 squirrel-to-student ratio]
Belmont: where do i even start? it is the small school i am looking for, and it's Christian, which i had kind of thought i didn't really want, but after looking in to it, that's looking good. there were also PLENTY of options of programs of study. also, it's in NASHVILLE! who doesn't like nashville? it's so fun. and there is music everywhere! even though i am not interested in majoring in music or anything, but it still would be so fun to be around that all the time. and the school just has the small community, nice people feel that i like. [one highlight: there is a cafe called Bongo Java right across the street. sightings at this cafe: Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman, James Marsen, Alison Krauss, etc. the list went on and on]
i am by no means at a decision, and frankly, i don't have to be that close to a decision at this point in time. but it is very nice to be closer to a decision and to have seen a few very different options.
p.s. also, as part of the jterm stuff, i'm possibly looking into stuying business admin. not accounting. but even like political science or something along those lines. so we'll see.
1.13.2010
ohhh love.
currently listening to: IHOPU awakening service--geeez. i LOVE listening to these and to the prayer room. they are just so anointed and relaxing. man.
so anyways, here's what's going down. lately i've been feeling really encouraged. and it's so incredible. i mean, since the conference it's literally like i'm a different person. i mean, i know you hear about "life-changing experiences" all the time, but this really was one of those times. it was definitely the most important thing that has ever happened to me.
tonight, Brandon said something along the lines of "there are some of you out there who think you are believers, but you aren't." that really struck me. every other time i've ever heard that, especially the past year or so, i've thought "okay, yeah that's me." but i don't ever do anything about it... well this time, i didn't have that feeling. i felt like i was one step ahead of where i normally am. and it just feels really great. i mean, i'm not completely perfect by any means. but i just feel better than i have in a looooong time. possibly ever. and i love it.
Jesus is so good and i love Him. the end.
so anyways, here's what's going down. lately i've been feeling really encouraged. and it's so incredible. i mean, since the conference it's literally like i'm a different person. i mean, i know you hear about "life-changing experiences" all the time, but this really was one of those times. it was definitely the most important thing that has ever happened to me.
tonight, Brandon said something along the lines of "there are some of you out there who think you are believers, but you aren't." that really struck me. every other time i've ever heard that, especially the past year or so, i've thought "okay, yeah that's me." but i don't ever do anything about it... well this time, i didn't have that feeling. i felt like i was one step ahead of where i normally am. and it just feels really great. i mean, i'm not completely perfect by any means. but i just feel better than i have in a looooong time. possibly ever. and i love it.
Jesus is so good and i love Him. the end.
1.06.2010
so here's the deal...
okay well i said that i wasn't going to write about this... but i just sent this email to my youth pastor and i think i did a pretty good job of summing up most of the things i wanted to say. so i'm just going to post it here. (making changes where necessary).
"okay so the past few months i've felt like something was missing in my relationship with Christ. i knew there was something else, and i knew that i was not where i could have and should have been in my faith. but i had no earthly idea what was missing. i had even begun to doubt Christianity in some instances. but this past week i attended the onething conference with IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City... maybe you've heard of it? but anyway. God used my questions to prepare me for all of the truth i was exposed to at the conference. ah. there was just so much that, growing up in the Baptist church, i had never heard before... but that is all beside my point.
the theme of the conference was centered around the need for revival in our generation and Christ's undying, passionate love for mankind (two very different yet completely related topics) and it was so... ahh... i don't even have the words to describe the emotions i was feeling... but the speakers all really challenged the youth to realize the battle at hand and invite the Holy Spirit to come and prepare us. but they also stressed that we had to love God with our very being, that our essence should be centered around loving God, and that with that will come obedience. but we have to realize that we can only love God because He loves us. we are His beloved children and He delights in us. that is a message that is so hard to get across to our generation, but it is ESSENTIAL to understand. that even through our faults (i had struggled with an addiction to pornography on and off since like 6th grade) He loves us. there is NOTHING we can do that would cause Him to let go of his grip on us.
so all this goes to say. your message was so good [it was about being who we are called to be. and stepping out where we are supposed to step out]. it was an incredible follow up to the whole week. realizing who we are in Christ is so important in our roles as warriors and leaders in our generation. and i am so excited about this semester. i was a little fearful coming back because i didn't know how i was going to keep my "camp high" up. but i am confident that the red letter series [pretty self-expanatory: we are beginning a series on the radical words of Christ] is going to be anointed. and i realize that the Holy Spirit is coming to equip us for the crisis at hand. "
so yeah. that basically hits the high points. there was sooo much else. but it was not necessary to this email... yeah. enjoy. love you guys.
"okay so the past few months i've felt like something was missing in my relationship with Christ. i knew there was something else, and i knew that i was not where i could have and should have been in my faith. but i had no earthly idea what was missing. i had even begun to doubt Christianity in some instances. but this past week i attended the onething conference with IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City... maybe you've heard of it? but anyway. God used my questions to prepare me for all of the truth i was exposed to at the conference. ah. there was just so much that, growing up in the Baptist church, i had never heard before... but that is all beside my point.
the theme of the conference was centered around the need for revival in our generation and Christ's undying, passionate love for mankind (two very different yet completely related topics) and it was so... ahh... i don't even have the words to describe the emotions i was feeling... but the speakers all really challenged the youth to realize the battle at hand and invite the Holy Spirit to come and prepare us. but they also stressed that we had to love God with our very being, that our essence should be centered around loving God, and that with that will come obedience. but we have to realize that we can only love God because He loves us. we are His beloved children and He delights in us. that is a message that is so hard to get across to our generation, but it is ESSENTIAL to understand. that even through our faults (i had struggled with an addiction to pornography on and off since like 6th grade) He loves us. there is NOTHING we can do that would cause Him to let go of his grip on us.
so all this goes to say. your message was so good [it was about being who we are called to be. and stepping out where we are supposed to step out]. it was an incredible follow up to the whole week. realizing who we are in Christ is so important in our roles as warriors and leaders in our generation. and i am so excited about this semester. i was a little fearful coming back because i didn't know how i was going to keep my "camp high" up. but i am confident that the red letter series [pretty self-expanatory: we are beginning a series on the radical words of Christ] is going to be anointed. and i realize that the Holy Spirit is coming to equip us for the crisis at hand. "
so yeah. that basically hits the high points. there was sooo much else. but it was not necessary to this email... yeah. enjoy. love you guys.
1.04.2010
i'll share
these pictures describe the week...
we were basically like this all week. Joyana Camille is my sister. 
"i wonder if the boys are doing this downstairs..."
so many things in this picture. i love joy and garrett. that hat saved my life. and there really wasn't a time all week when we weren't being silly and just enjoying each other's presence...
story time. everyone shared what God had been doing in their lives that week. Jesus is sooo good! :]]
the entire group minus Nellie... this sums it all up.also, if you haven't read the post right before this, you should... anddd uhhh i am fasting for the first time today as part of my resolutions. i'll let you know how it all goes...
edit: okay i was fasting... but i just found out i have to go to swim. it's probably wise to eat so that i don't die, right? dangggg. i'll see what i can do...
1.02.2010
not-so-general New Year:
this is what i wrote down during the first night of onething:
"one song... 'the battle is raging. the devil is raging. and i don't want to be sleeping when the battle is raging... let nothing steal my passion for Jesus, let no one steal my passion for Jesus' - the last song of worship... i can't even begin to describe the earlier songs... but sitting between a girl i've known for 24 hours and a total stranger, i am awestruck. many of the things spoken are terribly new to me. i don't even know what to say. i found myself at a loss for words in the middle of prayer. it has been so long since i was close to God, i didn't even know where to begin... all i knew was i was surrounded by 20,000 pople who were all here for the same reason... who were all filled with the Spirit. i wanted that. even being thrown off by the completely different atmosphere, i am floored by the charisma, by the energy, by the Spirit."
okay actually i'm not sure if this was the first night or the second day... it's all running together in my head. but if i know one thing, it is that Jesus is sooo good. i can't even begin to tell you about all that happened, you will have to ask my in person. i really could talk for days about how my life was changed. ahh being filled with the Holy Spirit is so liberating and comforting. it is glorious.
but anyway, i am not one to make New Year's resolutions but this year is different. Mike Bickle talked on the 7 Commitments of a Forerunner:
1. Pray Daily: connecting wth God while changing the world by releasing His power
2. Fast Weekly: positioning ourselves to receive more from God by fasting two days a week.
3. Do Justly: be zealous for good works of compassion and justice that exalt Jesus so we impact the seven spheres of society.
4. Give Extravagantly: experiencing the joy of financial power encounters as we sacrificially give to the Kingdom and support the prayer movement.
5. Live Holy: living fascinated in the pleasure of loving God that overflows to loving people
6. Lead Diligently: taking initiative to minister to others and make disciples by regularly leading in outreaches, prayer meetings, and Bible stuidies.
7. Speak Boldly: being a faithful witness of the ruth with allegiance to Jesus' word.
those are my resolutions...
"one song... 'the battle is raging. the devil is raging. and i don't want to be sleeping when the battle is raging... let nothing steal my passion for Jesus, let no one steal my passion for Jesus' - the last song of worship... i can't even begin to describe the earlier songs... but sitting between a girl i've known for 24 hours and a total stranger, i am awestruck. many of the things spoken are terribly new to me. i don't even know what to say. i found myself at a loss for words in the middle of prayer. it has been so long since i was close to God, i didn't even know where to begin... all i knew was i was surrounded by 20,000 pople who were all here for the same reason... who were all filled with the Spirit. i wanted that. even being thrown off by the completely different atmosphere, i am floored by the charisma, by the energy, by the Spirit."
okay actually i'm not sure if this was the first night or the second day... it's all running together in my head. but if i know one thing, it is that Jesus is sooo good. i can't even begin to tell you about all that happened, you will have to ask my in person. i really could talk for days about how my life was changed. ahh being filled with the Holy Spirit is so liberating and comforting. it is glorious.
but anyway, i am not one to make New Year's resolutions but this year is different. Mike Bickle talked on the 7 Commitments of a Forerunner:
1. Pray Daily: connecting wth God while changing the world by releasing His power
2. Fast Weekly: positioning ourselves to receive more from God by fasting two days a week.
3. Do Justly: be zealous for good works of compassion and justice that exalt Jesus so we impact the seven spheres of society.
4. Give Extravagantly: experiencing the joy of financial power encounters as we sacrificially give to the Kingdom and support the prayer movement.
5. Live Holy: living fascinated in the pleasure of loving God that overflows to loving people
6. Lead Diligently: taking initiative to minister to others and make disciples by regularly leading in outreaches, prayer meetings, and Bible stuidies.
7. Speak Boldly: being a faithful witness of the ruth with allegiance to Jesus' word.
those are my resolutions...
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