okay so this post is going to be completely random. so just bear with me. there is a lot of great stuff going on in my head right now, and i need to put it out there somewhere... facebook notes after a retreat or camp are a little too cliche for me. so this is it.

well i guess what i have to say is that i've never felt this excited about my walk with God. ever. it's so incredible. i'm not really sure how to explain what i mean, but basically it's that i've gotten so close to something i've wanted to accomplish before, and i guess gotten excited too early. this excitement gives me the mindset that i'm there and i can be done. well then i realize that close isn't there. so i work on it some more... and this cycle repeats. it is really weird and i guess har dto come back from a place like Brookhill to my normal family and friends, because the type of relationship is just different, i'm not sure exactly how to explain it... but maybe you understand. hopefully. oh well. man, it's just odd. so that's THAT.

the second: Steven, this morning, read Matthew 7:7 which says "ask and it will be given to you..." you know, that one. well as i was reading along in my Bible, something caught me. My version said, "Keep asking and it will be given to you. Keep searching and you will find. Keep knocking and the door will be opened to you." this caught me off gaurd, because usually when i read that verse i think something like, "oh, i only have to ask once" or "okay, i don't have to search for too long, it will come." yeah NOT. it's a continuous asking, searching, and knocking... i love that.

part three (and four, i guess): these are two songs that have captivated me lately. they are very different, in content and style. so here they are



1.) While I'm Waiting - John Waller

I'm waiting I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

well i guess to explain this, it says that waiting isn't really waiting... we shouldn't ever actually be sitting still and waiting. we should always be worshipping and serving the Lord



2.) How Much - Kelsey Meadows

We used to be so close, you used to grab my hand
My arms were open wide, and that's where you would land
You used to tell me things, that no one else would know
You cried in my arms, cause I would hold you close
But that was long ago, now I never cross your mind
I wish you would scream out so I could make you mine

I am sick for you, I am ill for you
Beaten and conquered Hell for you
I'll be wrong for you, I'm so weak for you
What does it take to get through
How much I love you.

The pain is not moved, now I am not around
You let me sink lower to the ground
So how can it be that you would not miss me?
When I still love you, I love you, oh, the same.
You don't cry out anymore for me
When I'm stading right in front of you
You can not see.

I am sick for you, I am ill for you
Beaten and conquered Hell for you
I'll be wrong for you, I'm so weak for you
What does it take to get through
How much I love you.
I bleed for you, I'll die for you
Be nailed to the cross, crucified for you
I will rise for you, wipe those eyes for you
If that's what it takes to show you
I love you

this was actually written and recorded by one of my friends. it's to great. i listened to it for the first time yesterday in the car on the way home from a wonderful retreat. it was captivating. yeahh. basically.

decisions

life is crazy. and i know i'm probably one of the least stressed people out there. but there are so many decisions to make lately. everyone comes to that time in their life where everything they do will affect pretty much their whole life, yeah that time is now. what classes i'm going to take for j-term, and more importantly, for the rest of high school. then eventually i'll have to choose things like college, MAJOR, courses, whether or not to continue with soccer past high school (i could possibly play at OBU), how many extracurriculars to participate in. right now i guess these decisions are a big deal for me, because i feel like i'm not getting to make them myself. i feel like my parents make many of them for me. and i'm not sure how i feel about that. the main thing is AP courses. yes, i will continue with AP math, because i am good at it, but honestly, what's the point of taking AP history or english or science? espeically if i will get into college without them. and if i want to pursue a career in graphic design, or another type of art, those classes are going to do me no good. other decisions include next summer's activities. i will apply to be a counselor at brookhill, but if i wanted to get a regular job, how much would JC-ing affect that? and will i want to also go on my church's mission trip? who knows... that one isn't a big, because it will probably end up being one of the easier decisions i have to make.

well that's it for decisions... another thing that's big right now is my best friend living 4 1/2 hours away. i will get to see her in two weeks (PRAISE THE LORD!) but i won't see her again until spring break, maybe. and if not then it will have to wait until may at staff training. we will work together and stuff at camp next summer, but then we'll have to part again. i love her and it's hard to not live close to her. oh man.

i guess that's about all for now. i will stop boring you now... thanks.