consider it pure joy.

"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

"Rejoice always. Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

my 17th birthday is sunday. this afternoon i come home to my mom asking me who was coming over tomorrow night. i told her "no one." am i not having a birthday party? why? this is what she wants to know. when i tell her that i wanted to go to prayer group instead... bad idea. this triggered lots of comments about how i was withdrawing from everything. and i never did anything anymore. i have heard this dozens of times. and it still has never made sense to me. the conversation shifted to basically condemnation for not wanting a birthday party. i haven't had a "birthday party" since 5th grade, and, quite frankly, i don't even like birthdays. i'm not big on attention, and birthdays are typicall very cliche and insincere.*

i talked to Joy. she shared some verses with me. many of them (james 1:2, etc) say to endure trials. trials will produce perserverance, etc. those are long-term results. i find that, many times, i have trouble knowing what to do RIGHT NOW. how do i handle the small problems that are slung my way? pray constantly. it's harder than it sounds.

Psalm 18: 16-19 says, "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my distress, but the Lord was my support. He brought me to a wide-open place; He rescued me because He delighted in me."

if i had to pick a favorite chapter of the Bible, it would be Psalm 18. God always finds a way to tell me something new, no matter where i am. i'm not saying my parents are my enemies. because they are NOT. we were put into each other's lives for a reason. but it certainly does seem that Satan is using flaws in our relationships to beat me down. many times my cry is simply "stop!" Satan, stop it. just GO AWAY!

i just lost my train of thought. i think i'm just really frustrated because things aren't working out. i'm not surprised... i've never been the most patient person. watching the awakening right now is making me just want to get up and dance! i wish i could. but i would get weird looks, you know ;]. okay yeah i completely forgot the point i was trying to make. i'm going to get back to my creative writing assignment now.

love you guys.


*if i am cynical about one thing, it's definitely birthdays. i just don't like them. at all. kay.