and once again...

this is my second post in two days. apparently i'm blogging like it's going out of style. but this is not true.

i came home from school today after attending a mandatory assembly about drunk driving. well this is what it was supposed to be about, but it ended up being just a bunch of really gory pictures of trauma patients... you know the slide show i'm talking about... well anyway. i came home and i was not in a very good mood after that. i laid down for a while before i had to leave to go to swim. i really did not want to go. at all. it was raining. i did not feel like driving all the way to UALR in the torrential downpours... and yeah. so needless to say, i was definitely in a bad mood.

well on the way, i was driving down cantrell (where i passed my favorite tree). and i noticed how incredible the trees looked at that particular time. the weather was horrible, but the trees still maintained there majesty. i changed the radio to some random station and "Never Say Never" by The Fray was on. it was at the part of the song where they repeat "don't let me go" over and over and over. and it's really intense. okay so at this point in time i almost lost it. a wave of peace and love came over me. it was such a strange moment. i literally just got the chills. the thought of God's love for us (no matter how far we stray from him) is relentless. lately i've felt His presence so much. and it's beginning to all come together in my mind.

so i am going to leave you with some lyrics.

"Your love is relentless and i'm glad for it, i'm glad for it. your love is relentless and i'm glad. Your love is relentless and if not for it, if not for it. i'd perish for sure if not for it. Savior for the faithful, we're in the hands of God. Love has come and we are safe. Hope has come and we are safe. We're in the hands of God..."
-Birmingham (We Are Safe) by DCB

p.s. i realize that most if not all of you who read this (all what, four? of you...) are in college and are majoring in some sort of english or writing. please excuse my lack of organization, creativity, skill... thanks.

relationships

i'm just going to go out on a limb and blog about this.. maybe. am i? i don't know...

okay here goes. you hear that "relationships change," right? right. all the time. i hear this. but it seems that lately relationships in my life are changing more often and more rapidly than ever. this can not be categorized as a "good" or "bad" thing. it's just kind of happening. and it's strange. and trilling. and i like it. God has blessed me with revived relationships, strengthened relationships, and even new relationships...

there is a relationship that has been taken away, though.
not a specific one, just in general. i've never had any problem with dating, and i still don't. but honestly, i just don't think about it anymore. and if the random thought does happen to pop in my head, almost immediately another thought comes, telling me to not think about it. so i don't. and you all probably know this, but life is so much easier without that hanging over your head all the time.

i would expand on my dilemma. and the glitch in this system. but it's really not necessary. and it really doesn't even matter. and it makes me seem like i think about it all the time, which i kind of do... but hey i'm just a girl.


sorry this was so lame. if you guys actually read these, i love you.


p.s. i'm growing my hair out. get excited. according to jarrod, it will look good and guys generally like longer hair better. thanks friend.

ACT

EDIT: was i supposed to come out of there completly despising the ACT? because i didn't... is it really that bad? who knows...


so i feel like this is a big landmark in the life of a student. the first time to take the ACT. it's not really important or anything yet. but it's kind of a big deal, you know. i mean, i'll be doing this probably every 3 or 4 months of the next year and a half or so. (unless i ace it this time... which probably won't happen, haha). okay well that's my update for now. i'm drinking some delicious coffee and eating a granola bar. life is so good.

song: Us by Regina Spektor

heroes by day, warriors by night.

i am listening to: Church Music, DCB (the whole album is incredible).

DISCLAIMER: keep reading. it'll get interesting i promise. kind of.

i am blogging right now instead of writing an anotated glossary on personification in A Separate Peace. this is definitely a reoccurring event in my life. it seems that, beyond facebook, this blog is my number one means of procrastination. i think i should make a plan and start doing my homework when i get home from school instead of waiting until the nighttime. because right now it's 9 o'clock. i am tired. my hair smells like chlorine thanks to swim practice. i still have to write all of this anotated glossary. i probably won't do my calculus. hm. oh and i need to shower.

i've also realized that i write incredibly boring blogs. but if the rare event of a profound thought ever does happen, i'm bad at putting that thought in to words and telling you (whoever you are that is reading this) about it.

so all that aside, it is the end of homecoming week. the game is tomorrow. we've dressed up all week... basically it just makes me not want to do any work. so i'll put some pics up for you to see.




just being silly before the parade.

all the characters for the float...

me with some of my cheerleader friends.

superhero day. i was in disguise. she was obviously batman :]

decked out for powderpuff. this is my precious new friend sarah. i love her a lot and she is such a blessing to me. definitely an answered prayer.



okay i really should write this now... thanks for your time.

worship.

if you haven't ever had the chance to experience a live worship concert, i highly reccomend it. having just gotten home from seeing Hillsong live, i am energized and want to share some things with you. one recurring theme of the songs was an image of Christ's death on the cross. i mean, obviously, this is a very general and, for lack of a better word, popular image in Christianity. but i don't remember ever realizing how often we sing songs about it. in any case, i don't believe we think about the crucifixion often enough in worship. the image is horrifying and beautiful at the same time. just to sing the captivting words was incredible.

the second thing i noticed was how many of their songs talked about praise. praise being all we desire, all we do, what we excel at. we are expected to show others the love of Christ, through our actions. it was amazing to be able to jump up and down, dnce, shout, and all out worship God without worries. this is what everyday should be like. we shouldn't be afraid to do something completely random and spontaneous for the Lord and stand out among those around us.

at one point in the service, Darlene took time to pray for all the people in the room who were involved in some sort of musical worship leading. whether it be singing, playing an instrument, dancing, producing, songwriting. it was really neat to feel the presence of God anointing our worship leading and everything we are doing. anytime we are specifically prayed over, there is something that envelops us. it was inspiring for that certain aspect of our lives to be prayed over by her. i mean, worship is what she does for a living. and she is praying for US. it just goes to show how much God cares about every little thing we do.

okay well after that, i am completely worn out. worship drains me. but i must move on to my calulus homework.


song for this post: Tear Down the Walls by Hillsong (yes this is just a coincidence).

the healing within

okay so the title isn't permanent i just can't quite think of one. but anyway. this is for a creative writing assignment from aplit to go along with A Separate Peace. also: the names and flowers have certain meanings, they weren't just picked randomly. yes, i am that deep. haha and it was complete coincidence that the girls' name i gabi.


There was a flower. One lone evening primrose reaching up through the snow. With your hand in mine we walked. We walked and talked. We fell in love. I know we fell in love because the moment was beautiful, absolutely gorgeous. The chilling cold and biting winds meant nothing to us. As we walked close together through the wilderness of Montana, we experienced life and magic. If I grew tired, you held me in your arms. If I talked, you listened. That afternoon secured my hopes and dreams. Do you remember? I hope you do. It was then we discovered true love.

After that moment we were changed. We didn’t stop or slow down or grow weary. We trudged on through the fresh snow, soft and beautiful… and deceiving. Another flower. They became more frequent and more beautiful, overcoming the harsh surroundings. I was captivated; I almost didn’t notice your stopping so abruptly. Looking around, I saw a change in the terrain. With no warning we had stumbled across beauty and peace itself: a hidden haven among the cold, acres of flowers spread out before our eyes. The flowing yellow fields seemed to last forever, but were our eyes playing tricks on us? Almost as soon as we began to slowly make our way through the field, stopping to dance, to sing, and to enjoy ourselves, the ground changed once again, this time, sloshing beneath our feet.

The new snow was not as soft as before, but it was not firm either. We were in a state of in between, a middle ground. Our journey continued to present rough patches followed by captivating sights. Once or twice you became distracted and let go of my hand. It was during these moments I was not sure where I was going, I lost myself. But you returned. You never failed to bring me back to you. I always knew where I was when we were together. When we walked hand in hand through the wilderness of Montana, your eyes, your gaze, drew me in every time. I knew I loved you and I knew I always would.

That was then, however. We didn’t know what lie ahead. Such pain, such loss. No field of flowers hidden in the snow could prepare us for that. The day in the hospital replays over and over again in my mind. Her name would have been Gabriella. I still love her. I still miss her. I tell Zoe about her. Sometimes we talk about what Gabi would have been like. Would she be blonde or dark? Loud or quiet? Tall or short? Do you ever wonder?

You and I also talk about Gabi often. Communication strengthens us. We are continually growing. Family. We walk hand in hand in hand. We walk close together through the streets of Madison. When I grow tired, you hold me in your arms. When I talk, you listen.

four days of my life.

this is how i spent the last 4 days of my life.

thursday: school, tiger tunes.
friday: contemporary world, taco bell, nothing, nothing, nothing, wendy's,sat in the student center, shared life stories, saw mario and luigi, slept.
satuday: chic, homecoming [we left wayy early], nothing, made lots of hilar videos with susannah, drove around creepy roads, ran through a field of soybeans, watched hannah montana, slept.
sunday: woke up late, went to Christian Ministries [baller], went to the Kream Kastle, and the rest is boring


but anyways. this weekend was amazing. the end.

lessons? ha!

so i was talking to a friend just now and she asked me what i have learned this year. this is what came out of that:

i've learned that if you study, you will get better grades. it's not fun to have a wreck. time management is key. music is also key. you can have a best friend of the opposite sex, but not without the risk of people questioning you about it. and college is coming soon.

those are my life lessons from this year so far. things are going to great. school is still hard, but that's to be expected.

okayyyyy.


song: i swear i mean it this time by mayday parade

woah man.

so remember that time that i kind of freaked out a little bit when my eight-year-old brother asked me if i knew where i wanted to go to college? and i didn't know? yeahh woahhh. and this month i'm taking te PSAT, the ACT, and registering for the SAT. and there are 2 college fairs. i'm going on college visits. talking to reps coming to my school.

when did this all happen? since when am i supposed to be ready for college? i mean, don't get me wrong, i'm sooo excited. but dang, all of a sudden it seems like i have to have good test scores and be accept to college right now. which i know is not true. i just didn't realize how much of a hassle all of this was. phew.

okay i just had to get that out. i'm off to college fair number one: Christian College Fair at my school. since i'm on the college rep squad i will be meeting with the reps as they come in, showing them their stations, and counting attendance. woop-dee-doo.


song of the week: If My Heart Was a House by Owl City

BONUS SONG: Your Love is Extravagant by The Almost