what it all comes down to

i want to update you on my life. but if i wrote it all down here it would be 1. really long and 2. really boring.

i don't really have a way with words. but what i can say is this:

God is faithful. in my weakest times (physically, mentally, spiritually) i can always find what i need through His word and fellowship with other believers. i don't know why it's taken me so long to realize this. but honestly. over the course of the past few weeks i have seen what God will do in our lives if we rely on Him and trust in His timing.

now i'm not saying this is an easy task for me. at all. i am a worrier. if i want something to happen or go a certain way, i constantly think about what i can do to make it happen. i'm learning to catch myself in the midst of that, stop, and pray for patience because i have seen God work seemingly impossible things out for His kingdom and i don't want to get in the way of that.

i guess that's my point of interest from this summer. now i'm off to work, summer reading, college boot camp, yearbook planning, etc, etc. let the fun begin ;]

so the whole point of this post is to share with you all an interesting fact about me: i love to pack! i know, i know. it seems crazy, but i really do! for long trips (camps, etc.) i usually "start packing" about a week in advance. now, when i say "start packing" i mean, i just get out my duffel bag and set it at the end of my bed. if there is something i see that i know i'm not going to use before i leave, i just pile it on top. this is where i start*:

which brings me to my beloved duffel bag: oh my goodness it's probably unhealthy to love a bag as much as i love this thing. it has backpack straps. and it's a wonderful color. and yeah.



okay yes. so, because we leave for MO for Student Life camp next monday (then camp!!!), the bag is out! holla!! okay. and here's a couple pics from the first weekend of summer!



we had 13 hammocks up. it was pro.

okay that's all for now. happy summer!

*please disregard the dull, undecorated wall right there. my room was JUST painted. still haven't gotten stuff back up.

consider it pure joy.

"Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

"Rejoice always. Pray constantly. Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

my 17th birthday is sunday. this afternoon i come home to my mom asking me who was coming over tomorrow night. i told her "no one." am i not having a birthday party? why? this is what she wants to know. when i tell her that i wanted to go to prayer group instead... bad idea. this triggered lots of comments about how i was withdrawing from everything. and i never did anything anymore. i have heard this dozens of times. and it still has never made sense to me. the conversation shifted to basically condemnation for not wanting a birthday party. i haven't had a "birthday party" since 5th grade, and, quite frankly, i don't even like birthdays. i'm not big on attention, and birthdays are typicall very cliche and insincere.*

i talked to Joy. she shared some verses with me. many of them (james 1:2, etc) say to endure trials. trials will produce perserverance, etc. those are long-term results. i find that, many times, i have trouble knowing what to do RIGHT NOW. how do i handle the small problems that are slung my way? pray constantly. it's harder than it sounds.

Psalm 18: 16-19 says, "He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He pulled me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my distress, but the Lord was my support. He brought me to a wide-open place; He rescued me because He delighted in me."

if i had to pick a favorite chapter of the Bible, it would be Psalm 18. God always finds a way to tell me something new, no matter where i am. i'm not saying my parents are my enemies. because they are NOT. we were put into each other's lives for a reason. but it certainly does seem that Satan is using flaws in our relationships to beat me down. many times my cry is simply "stop!" Satan, stop it. just GO AWAY!

i just lost my train of thought. i think i'm just really frustrated because things aren't working out. i'm not surprised... i've never been the most patient person. watching the awakening right now is making me just want to get up and dance! i wish i could. but i would get weird looks, you know ;]. okay yeah i completely forgot the point i was trying to make. i'm going to get back to my creative writing assignment now.

love you guys.


*if i am cynical about one thing, it's definitely birthdays. i just don't like them. at all. kay.

it's that time.

you can tell when it's the end of the semester because blogs haven't been updated in a couple of weeks... this is my busy week (three ap tests and the act) but i still have to go sit in a desk every day for the next two weeks. my only thing left is an art final and a tiny worldview paper.

anyway. i'm on day 8 of my awful week. and so far i'm just really tired and getting a sore throat, etc. but other than that i'm making it. i've made it through the ap cal and ap lit tests so far. and it's us history today. then work. then prayer group 'till the wee hours of the morning. then i am going to, by some miracle, get up tomorrow morning to take the act (if i can raise it three points, i don't ever have to take it again!!). then it's off to hot springs for me! which is pretty pointless. 1. the lake is cold. 2. by the time i get ther everyone will already be out on the lake, so i will be sitting at the house alone. awesome. i would rather stay here and go to a graduation party for my dear friend Sarah. and be able to go to church sunday morning. but you know, it's okay. there will be other times.


in other news. 10 days left of school. 28 days until camp :]]

prom?

was prom really all it's cracked up to be? i'm not real sure.

yes, it was very fun. and yes, i loved not having to come home at a certain time. i slept from 3:30 to 7:30 [i had to get up for church because the worship team was playing in the service] then came home and slept from 1 to 5. but all in all, prom wasn't a huge, life-changing experience.

but anyway, here are a couple pictures:

this is my date, kunhee. it is also the only full-length picture i have... bummer.

julianna, bethany, and i

haha this is so... perfect.

this is my really great friend [and assistant yearbook editor] andrew.

i'm a big kid now.

you know how you always feel really old? even though, in reality, you aren't. yeah i feel like that a lot. here's why:

1. i got my cartilage pierced the other day. and it's not a big deal. but i just love it, and it makes me feel old because i've been asking my mom for a couple years now... yeah. so.

b. prom is this weekend. prom is just like the "typical" big kid thing. idk. it's what all the movies and books are about. it's the older kids, etc. yeah whatever. but anyways. i'm excited. [i'm not going home until 5 or 6 sunday morning, and i have to be at church at 8:30 to sing/play in service. i will let you know how all that goes. haha, and don't you worry i'll post pics!

those are the reasons right now.

but as i'm sure most of you have seen on twitter/facebook. i am working camp! i always pretty much knew i was. but i was just really overwhelmed with everything that was going on. and it was really hard to be patient. but, the decision was final as of last night. it's like as soon as i gave it up,* He answered me! and i don't think i've ever been more excited! it's just a huge sign that this is where i'm supposed to be and that God is going to do some AWESOME things!!

bahhhhh!

mkay, love you all.

*now, this doesn't mean i didn't think about it all the time, because i did. but it's just that i didn't worry about if i was going to be there or not. i just let it work itself out.

i don't really ever plan on driving with my windows up ever again.*

um i am going to baylor tomorrow for a visit. woot? idk. i have mixed emotions about it, i guess. i am getting up at the crack of dawn (actually before). yeah.

also, i just turned on the Awakening for the first time in over a week. they've revamped the player. it's pretty sweet looking. yeah.

okay that's all. i'm just bored.

*at least until it gets cold. and with the exception of rainy days.