limits.

i just sat here and did my homework for AP Calculus AB. (before proceeding to do AP US History and AP Lit homework). do you know how ridiculous this class is? very. i mean, i love math and all, but DANG. well anyway, i did my homework, which is over limits. (and of course every time i have to write "the limit does not exist" i think of mean girls. thank you lindsay lohan). anywho, uhh i wish i could say that my homework inspired some deep, thought-provoking idea. but alas, it did not. i just got really frustrated because i could figure out the answer, i just didn't know how i got it. this happens to me a lot... hmm. but yeah, i just thought i would let you know what's going on. nothing too much deeper than limits, the discovery of the New World, and MLA format. thank you and goodnight.

oh yeah, song for this post is: You Be the Anchor That Keeps My Feet on the Ground, I'll Be the Wings That Keep Your Heart in the Clouds by Mayday Parade

selfishness.

"and it scares me to think that i would choose my life over you. and my selfish heart divides me from you, it tears us apart." - barlowgirl

if this doesn't describe me and convict me, then i don't know what does. my selfishness has been convicting me quite a bit lately...

on tuesday, i am leading/helping lead worship in chapel. this means i will be singing in front of 450 judgmental high school students. i know, i usually am one of those students. i am so scared. i really really want to do this, but the call from mr. faulk today made it reality. i realized that this time, i will be the one up on that stage being judged by almost every single student in my high school. they will be judging how i sing, what i'm wearing, my facial expressions, how they see me outside of chapel. it's going to be so intense and overwhelming. but i'm so excited.

i'll let you know how it goes.

cliche, but this is untitled.

i feel the need to write and explain my last post. i don't want it to seem like i was complaining and whatnot. i was just a bit stressed out that day. and yeah. uhh. so sorry for the hectic post. ummm. i'm a lot better now.

we had our first chapel today, and it made me really excited about getting to take place in leading worship this year. i'm so ready to get in to that! also, a few of my friends started an accountability group and we met today at lunch to just talk about what was going on in our lives and such, and i just realized how good that group is going to be for me this year. it's going to be tough in the midst of all the homework, friends, parents and church stuff, but that will definitely help so much. i've realized how good it is to have people you can be confident will build you up. i don't surround myself with bad people, at all. it's just that some people are better together than others.

uhh there was something else... i don't remember right now...

oh yeah! i called the traffic court today. which made my ticket and court and probation all a little bit more real. which actually made me less stressed about it. now that i know exactly what's going to happen, it's better.


umm yeah, i'll probably end up writing more pretty soon. but for now i have like 80 math problems to do and a bunch of history to read and an anotated glossary to write. so i should probably get going.

p.s. i'm going to start a new thing. i'm going to post the name of a song that i really really love at the end of each post. if you are interested, you should listen to them... kay, so this time it's: Vision of You by Shane and Shane

crazyyy.

so i just wrote this crazy long post... then decided it was not at all what i wanted to say. hmmm. basically i want to say is...

life is crazy.

this is a list of things that bombarded my mind today: paying for: traffic ticket, turkey day, junior ski trip, jterm... other: kallie, parents, friends, driving, homework, soccer, classes, art, chapel, college, careers.

all of these things i had some kind of dicussion with my parents about today. do you know crazy all of that was? very. phew.




that is all.

everything under the sun.

have you ever realized that you've been holding on to something you shouldn't be. that just happened to me. i'm not real sure how else to explain it. but i think... that... these past few months i've been trying to grow in my relationship with the Lord. but haven't been able to beacuse of this thing. i didn't know why i wasn't getting anywhere. but i'm pretty positive i just figured it out. hmm. muy interesante. i'll let you know how this all plays out.



um recently i've been obsessed with two songs. these two songs are basically all i listen to, sing, play, etc. they are: "Be Near" by Shane and Shane and "You're Everything" by David Crowder Band. they both talk about the fullness of God and how His hand plays a very important role in our lives. something about these songs has just captivated me recently. it's incredible.


on a tad bit different note, it's about time for that annual beginning of school post. i usually write this differently but hey, since i kind of blog now, i'll try it out here... so here goes nothing: usually i like to make a list-ish thing of my goals and expectations for the year. and this year is no different. i just want to be able to keep up with it. so i'm posting it here. enjoy if you want.

um basically i realize that this year is going to be the toughest by far. i mean, it just keeps getting harder, doesn't it? yeah. but i'm not too worried. i'm just going to have to get more self-discipline in managing my time. i am also getting a job this year. will just add to the homework from 3 AP classes, pressure to meet Yearbook deadlines, and keeping up relationships with friends at school. which is another goal. having relationships with people at school. it's very easy for me to get caught up in surrounding myself with other camp friends, which is a very good thing, don't get me wrong. but it's also good to get close to people who you are around all the time. a few of my friends recently started an accountability group to meet and grow closer to each other and build each other up in our relationships with the Lord. this last thing i am so excited about. i'm thrilled to see everything that the Lord is going to do this year.

so all in all, i guess you could i'm excited about the year. i'm not too excited about classes and stuff, but i'm stoked about the experiences i will have! i have no doubt that this year is going to be amazing!

this was soooo long and i'm sorry. but if you stuck it out, i love you. thanks.

even more.

wow. a whole lot has happened since i last posted something on here. i've been so busy with more camp, mission trip, summer reading, trying to hang out with friends... that i just haven't gotten on here. soo here it goes...

i guess i'll start with my last week of camp. umm i was in kitchen again, and it was really good. it was hard to stay humble because i had done it before... but it was also really good to not have to worry about not knowing what to do every single minute of the day. and just relax and have fun. so the my experiences as a whole at cmap just continued to get better and better. i got to talk to steven (for about 30 seconds this time! yesss. haha) about how things were going. it was good for me. but, now i am thinking about applying for all summer next year. i don't know if i will, yet, but it has been constantly on my mind, and right now all i can do is pray that God will help me in my decision.

well after camp i was in little rock for about 18 hours... then i left for mission trip. it was a very strange week for me. i had never been on a mission trip before and i had NO IDEA what to expect. it was very hot, and we were outside all day. i was on a painting crew, which basically meant i was stuck with a bunch of middle schoolers all week. and although, it would have been really cool to get to hang out with people my age for once, it was good for me to have to step up and be a leader outside of my comfort zone. it ended up being a really good week, and although it wasn't really the kind of serving i am most comfortable with, i had a good time.

the last thing is... being home. i am now home for the rest of the summer. my best friend moved to texas, and is coming home soon to go to school at UCA, but he is still gone right now. i made really good friends at camp, and the fact that they are the kind of friends i would like to have is dissappointing. i've never realized how different people at camp and people at home are. brookhill creates like a whole different world. i've come home from camp before and noticed that it was hard to get back in to the swing of things... but this time it was wayy worse. being gone for a total of 6 weeks this summer, it has been really hard to come back and just jump in to things. i'm making an effort to hang out with school friends... but it has been really really difficult.

i know this sounds like i'm whining and life sucks... but that's not at all what i'm trying to get across. i'm just trying to document what's going on... i don't know i'm just bored. but really, life is brilliant and i'm really excited about everything that's going on this school year. but this summer just went by so fast. it's crazy to think that camp is over and people are getting ready to go back to school. it really is insane. but God did incredible things through Brookhill this summer and yeahh. this year will be good. hard, but good. life is good.

i don't really know why i'm writing all of this... i guess just because i'm sitting at home bored for like the third day in a row. for realz. buttttt yeah. i think i'll go now because i'm sick of typing. okayyy. love you guys.

a lot.

so my plans for brookhill were changed a bit. i was still in a cabin with girls. there were just 20 of them, instead of 13. and none that were very open. they were very hard to talk to which made it hard on me. i hardly connected with campers at all. the closest i came to feeling fully connected to the kids was on saturday night between the 2 sessions when gabi came to me, crying, and told me about some of the situations of her campers. the burdens were so great that for a while, i wondered what i was getting myself into. it was hard, and i was scared. but i was given a 2nd chance.

on saturday morning, there came an opening to work the next week. so immediately i jumped on that, of course. my plans changed again... but this time not something i was particularly happy about. steven said, "yes, i am going to use you, but in the kitchen." honestly, i was dissappointed... but i talked to steven and he told me how i could improve. so i took the week as an opppurtunity to work on my attitude. the first week, i was nervous, and too focused, and the joy that is in my heart had a hard time finding it's way out.

steven rebuked me about this, and i am so grateful that he did. halfway through the week, after another counselor told me that they saw my joy diminishing, i had a good long prayer time with God. (while laying in the middle of the parking lot waiting on the igloos to get full...) i didn't understand how in the world i wasn't showing joy. i felt joyful. i felt so blessed and happy to be doing what i was doing. but obviously something wasn't right. i don't think i have fully understood the power of prayer until now. and i know this wasn't a life threatening situation or anything, but it was important to me. immediately i felt something lifted from me. i'm not even sure what it was. but after that i was able to be the awesome, fun kitchen staff girl that i was supposed to be.

in a 10-second-long conversation on thursday night (while filling up igloos again) steven simply said good job, this is an improvement. that is all he needed to say to lift my spirits.

to make a long story short, somehow, i was able to reach many more kids the 2nd week than i was the first week. which is shocking. considering i wasn't with kids in a cabin, at mealtimes, or in 2 activities during the day. i had 2 activities (drama: yesss. and tennis: ahaha. that was hilarious). and canteen. that was really the only time i had to connect with campers. but obviously they saw something in me that drew them to me.

on saturday morning, campers have the oppurtunity to stand up and thank any counselor they has touched them during the week. my name was mentioned 3 times. which is 3 times more than the previous week. honestly, that made everything that had happened in the past 2 weeks so worth it. for a kitchen staff to get mentioned is cool, but 3 times. i was shocked. and i'm not saying this to glorify myself. not at all. i just realized how much God can do in such a short time. and seen how the power of prayer has been revealed in my life. and when the graduate in my drama acitvity maddie stood up and said, "... i also want to thank avery for making this a fantastic week." i'm not going to lie, i almost lost it. that meant so much more to me than a "thanks for the advice" or "thanks for praying with me." it showed me that she actually felt the joy of the Lord through me.

and now, as i sit here, crying, thinking over the past two weeks. again, i wonder what i've gotten myself into. but that's not a bad thing. i am curious as to what all i will be able to tap in to in the future at Brookhill. i am curious to find out what campers i will be able to minister to when i go back in a week. i am also curious to see what else the Lord will teach me.

thanks for your time.
i just needed to get that out there.