i'm a big kid now.

you know how you always feel really old? even though, in reality, you aren't. yeah i feel like that a lot. here's why:

1. i got my cartilage pierced the other day. and it's not a big deal. but i just love it, and it makes me feel old because i've been asking my mom for a couple years now... yeah. so.

b. prom is this weekend. prom is just like the "typical" big kid thing. idk. it's what all the movies and books are about. it's the older kids, etc. yeah whatever. but anyways. i'm excited. [i'm not going home until 5 or 6 sunday morning, and i have to be at church at 8:30 to sing/play in service. i will let you know how all that goes. haha, and don't you worry i'll post pics!

those are the reasons right now.

but as i'm sure most of you have seen on twitter/facebook. i am working camp! i always pretty much knew i was. but i was just really overwhelmed with everything that was going on. and it was really hard to be patient. but, the decision was final as of last night. it's like as soon as i gave it up,* He answered me! and i don't think i've ever been more excited! it's just a huge sign that this is where i'm supposed to be and that God is going to do some AWESOME things!!

bahhhhh!

mkay, love you all.

*now, this doesn't mean i didn't think about it all the time, because i did. but it's just that i didn't worry about if i was going to be there or not. i just let it work itself out.

i don't really ever plan on driving with my windows up ever again.*

um i am going to baylor tomorrow for a visit. woot? idk. i have mixed emotions about it, i guess. i am getting up at the crack of dawn (actually before). yeah.

also, i just turned on the Awakening for the first time in over a week. they've revamped the player. it's pretty sweet looking. yeah.

okay that's all. i'm just bored.

*at least until it gets cold. and with the exception of rainy days.

springggg.

i do love to post pictures. especially ones of things i have accomplished. yessss! so here i go:

these first couple are from a fun day at the park with the gang. we all took our dogs and just sat around/played frisbee/played guitar. basically we just enjoyed each other's company.

we set up the hammocks 4 high. i climbed to the top like a pro. then took them all down when it was time. checkkkk.

rolling over to get out of one of the hammocks on the way down. goofy.

from ski trip. i just love this picture.

so much fun. this is at the top of the mountain at winter park.

just thought i'd share some fun bits of my life with you.

have Your way

if i have learned one thing from all this, it's patience. dang. i haven't gotten a straightforward answer yet, but i guess they have come around a little bit. haha i don't know. but anyway.

i woke up friday morning and the first thing i thought was "i'm going to be at camp this summer." i don't know where on earth it came from ;] but hey, i'll take it.

i also woke up thinking about starburst jellybeans* and singing "You never said the road would be easy but You said that You would never leave. You never promised that this life wasn't hard but You promised You'd take care of me. so i'll stop searching for the answers, i'll stop praying for an escape. and i'll trust You, God with where i am, and believe that You will have Your way." from Have Your Way by Britt Nicole. it was strange for me. i'm usually not overwhelmed by my thoughts when i first wake up.

but that song is my prayer.


now, as for the rest of my life. ohh man, things are great. i got my prom dress, i don't have to take calculus next year. i am going to be the yearbook editor. AND i am taking sign language. goodness, it's going to be oh so fun. yipppeee!!!!

*i'm not sure if i was just craving them, but the thought of this delicious fruity candy consumed my mind. they are SUPER delicious.

here goes nothing.

i didn't realize how big of a deal this was.

i've never really written a note in order to express my feelings before. but i just did. after talking to Joyana about everything with my parents, i realized how frustrated i was. she suggested that i write a note so that i could get everything out without interruptions and emotions, and without it having to be a conversation. i have tried having conversations with them, but it's just not working.

i'm pretty much scared to death to give it to them, and i'm not sure how or when i'm going to do it. i just know that it has to be done.

so if you think about it, say a quick prayer for me. and my parents.

i love you all.

independence.

one of my older friends put it this way, "haha, this is funny. you are too independent for your parents." i think this comes from there being such a gap in my childhood. there were either adults or toddlers. i had to figure something out. but anyway, that's beside the point.

i'm sure most everyone, sometime in their high school career, feels this way. i'm not sure i remember the last time i made an important decision for myself. and it's frustrating. i think what is triggering this right now is my plans for this summer. i have been praying for months, literally, that God will provide His plan for my life. i got the answer to that prayer in the mail last week. i recieved a piece of paper with five weeks circled. 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. as i rejoiced, i began to realize all the incredible things that are going to happen this summer. i couldn't help but to run around the Winter Park base [this is where i was when i found out]!

as soon as my parents had a chance to, they told me i had to pick one week to work. i didn't respond for a while. i needed a chance to think and pray about it. i did. i simply couldn't come to peace about the whole situation. when i finally talked to them, i realized that it wasn't just camp that i was upset about it. it was everything. the way they don't approve of my prayer meetings. the way the things i do aren't "mainstream" in their words. and, when i told them i had been praying about this, they blew me off.

normal teenagers are only friends with people from school and church, and i should be a normal teenager and be involved in youth group and my school [i am at church more than anyone in my youth group. i just got back from a class trip, and i am going to be the yearbook editor next year].

their other argument is that i need to stay here and work a real job. while i do understand this point, i think that their main problem is that they think i only go to camp for friendships. now, don't get me wrong, the relationships i have made at camp are some of the greatest things that have ever happened to me. i can't even begin to explain the impact many girls have had on my life. but beyond that, working camp was the hardest, most stressful, most insane, most AMAZING thing i have ever done. nothing can beat playing volleyball with a bunch of sixth and seventh graders in the afternoon, only to later have the oppurtunity to pour wisdom into their lives. you guys know, this is one of the best feelings ever. i don't have to explain it any more.

i guess i'm just stuck. i don't know what to do. i guess i would have an easier time giving up this summer if my parents hadn't made it clear that they just "don't like" the fact that most of my best friends are from camp. i guess i just don't understand why on earth they would be disappointed that i want to spend my saturday nights with ten other teenagers praying and worshipping God. it's frustrating. that is all. i am confused. i need prayer.

Jesus, give me strength.

it's a boy.

my 1998 corolla needs a name.

it's gold.
it's a boy.

i'm taking suggestions.

PLEASE?!