garbage

remember that time i was reading a 121-page poem?
and i loved it?
and i wanted to share it with you?
but it was too long?

well here's the highlights.
enjoy.
hopefully as much as i did.


"...it just
goes to show you: moderation imposed is better

than no moderation at all: we tie into the
lives of those we love and our lives, then, go

as theirs go; their pain we can't shake off;
their choices, often harming to themselves,

pour through our agitated sleep, swirl up as
no-nos in our dreams..."


"garbage has to be the poem of our time because
garbage is spiritual, believable enough

to get our attention, getting in the way, piling
up, stinking, turning brooks brownish..."


"the new's an angle of emphasis on the old:
new religions are surfaces, beliefes the shadows

of images trying to construe what needs no
belief; only born die, and if something is

born on new, then that is not it, that is no
the it: the it is the indifference of all

differences, the nothingness of all the poised
somethigs, the finest issue of energy in which

boulders and dead stars float..."


"...because while the
prodigal stamps off and returns, the father goes

from iron directives that drove the son away
to rejoicing tears at his return: the safe

world of community, not safe, still needs
feelers send out to test the environment, to

to bring back news or no news; the cnetral
mover, the huge river, needs, too, to bend,

and the son sent away is doubtless welcomed home:
we deprive ourselves of, renounce, safety to seek

greater safety: but if we furnish a divine
sanction of theology to the disposition, we

must not think when the divine sanction shifts
that there is any alteration in the disposition..."


"...we

need nothing more, except the spelling out of
these for those inattentive or too busily lost

in the daily elaborations to prize the essential:
(1) don't complain -- ills are sufficiently

clear without reiterated description: (2) count
your blessing, spelling them over and over into

sharp contemplation: (3) do what you can --
take actionL (4) move on, keep the mind

allied with the figurations of ongoing..."


"...I've discovered
at sixty-three that the other thing I wished of

poetry, that it prevent death, has kept me a
little strange, that I have not got my feet out

of the embranglements of misapplication and out
into a clear space to go; that I have to start

again from a realization of failure: in fact,
having learned about commanding silence and

having, mostly by accident, commanded it a few
times, i've become afraid of convincingness..."


"it is the law of the jungle we have learned so
much from: but some would say the purpose of

living is to serve others or rule them, or to
write music, and some would say that being alive

is like being dead, but I would say that the
purpose though it might not always--or but

seldom--come through is still being alive..."


"even in the midst of passion plant the seed
whose vine or seed may hang you: things

not followed as risks are risky: being alive
means being alive to mischance's chances."


-garbage
A.R. Ammons

i got nothing.

life is good.

carry me through

lately, spiritually, my life has been dead. at a complete standstill. not going backwards but certainly not going forward... as a result of this I have felt distant... this song is incredible and exactly what I've needed to hear...

crawl (carry me through)
superchick

how long will this take?
how much can I go through?
my heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
I bend but don't break
and somehow I'll get through
because I have you

and If I had to crawl, well you'd crawl too
I stumble and I fall. carry me through
the wonder of it all is you see me through

oh Lord where are you?
do not forget me here
I cry in silence,
can you not see my tears
when all have left me
and hope has disappeared
you find me here

when everything I was is lost,
I have forgot but you have not
when i am lost, you have not lost me



thanks for your time

STOP!

my life has been non-stop lately. i feel as if there is no time for anything. with school, soccer, church, friends, the boyfriend... it's hectic! i don't know why am i telling you this... but i am. i think i just need to complain for a minute to get it out of my system. take last week for example. it was HELL. a really hard soccer game against greenbrier. terrible practices. 4 tests. 2 papers. 1 outline. 2 quizzes. aka terrible. and there was not one night that i was home before 8ish.

so going into school today... i was really tired. and quite frankly i was very much upset to be there. but it was so much better! i didn't do anything in my classes... i went to senor tequila and got to miss choir. soccer wasn't too bad (except for the shin splints... but i'm used to that). and i got to come home and cook dinner. usually i wouldn't be excited about that but it was great! (i cooked spinach tortellini soup... so yummy). and i didn't have any homework. so i just got to veg out on facebook and write this...

so i think that's all i needed to say. i think maybe i just wanted to give you an update on my life. this is it. i'm happy. life is good. the end.

to be passionately in love.

"love is not proud, love does not boast, love after all matters most. love does not run, love does not hide, love does not keep locked inside. love is the river that flows through. love never fails you. love will sustain, love will provide, love will not cease at the the end of time. love will protect, love always hopes, love still believes when you don't. love is the arms that are holding you. love never fails you. when my heart won't make a sound. when i can't turn back around. when the sky is falling down. nothing is greater than this. greater than this. love is right here, love is alive, love is the way, the truth, the life. love is the river that flows through. love is the arms that are holding you. and love is the place you will fly to. love never fails you." -brandon heath.

"oh how He loves us" "how deep the Father's love for us" "I am eternally Yours" "You held on like a lover who couldn't let go of his bride" "I'm falling for You now" "my beautiful love" "don't you know that you are dearly loved" "i was made to love you" "That's what it takes to show you how much i love you" "Great is Your love and Your faithfulness" "A childlike love i had when we first began" "all i need is Your love" "I still love you beyond what words can say..."

for a while now, it seems like everywhere i go, everything i do, and in everything i hear the word LOVE is everywhere. especially referring to God's never ending love for us. i have also felt God's yearning for us to be madly and passionately in love with Him. it still seems as if something is quite fully there, though. and i can't quite figure it out... i am in the perfect position to be fully in love with God, and i am don't get me wrong, but i feel as if i'm not enough in love. as if i'm falling down on the job. i have a burning passion to be bale to feel this great love... and in ways, i do... but i also feel like there is so much more i could be doing. these past two days, the gears in my mind have just been turning non-stop. i've just been lost in my thoughts. and this actually has turned out to be the best thing for me. when i first realized that this theme of love was one that God was trying to get my attention with, i thought He was talking about loving others, but it turns out what He was trying to tell me is that my main priority right now should be to fall deeply in love with Him. My main love and passion should be for my creator: who loves me more than i could ever imagine.

[[this doesn't have a title yet...]]

i call your name, where are you?
the words you say, they aren't so true.
i heard your voice in the midst of the heartache.
up on this mountain, you seem so far away.

i love you so. child you are mine.
i hope you know, i gave up my life.
i want you to remember me
my precious love, eternity

[chorus]
you won't walk with faith so small
but when you stand, i will hold your hand
love of my life, lay down your pride
when you can't get through, i will carry you

look in the mirror what do you see?
do you even remember what you're like with me?
love of my life, don't forget this time
who you were when you were mine

[chorus]

i see you fall, i'll pick you up this time
it'll happen again, child please don't cry
when you're on your knees, remember this
i'll be here waiting with endless bliss

[chorus]





ahava.

simplicity

so this is my second post in 24. very very uncharacteristic of me. but this is necessary. i just finished a conversation with a friend of mine. -- i wish there were a better word than friend or even "best friend." i mean i guess this person could be considered a mentor or accountability partner... but i feel like she's more like my sister -- anywho... she asked me to pray for her, she was stressed.

"I am having a really hard day -- I am hating everything in the world -plastic, concrete, col- eveything-- I hate that humans are so dumb and we make things important that have no eternal value at all - like mla, plaigerism, and college - I think it's partially because I am stressed but I do not see the point in all this stupidity."

she, a lot like me, would much rather be able to appreciate the simple things in life than have to deal with extras. she said she was so stressed and asked if that was normal... she felt like she was crazy. right when she said that, i realized that i do the exact same thing! i get too stressed because people make such a big deal out of small details that will never matter. EVER. sure, they will help me write papers in college, but past that, it doesn't matter how i express my point, as long as i get it across. we get so caught up in the stupid extras... and that makes me so frustrated sometimes! I know it's probably a little bit irrational but I really don't care right now. I just want to be able to enjoy what's going on without being so caught up in what people expect of me (especially when these things are really stupid). but aghhhhh. okay I think I should stop now before I get too carried away...

"I just want simple-simple plans, simple hopes, simple home, simple faith (because it is-not stupid add ins you know) simple peace, simple beauty in weather...simple."

broken from the start

life is a gift like fresh cut roses. cut from the branch and brought inside. it's a slow contradiction. it's beauty in a vase. when the cords are cut that's when we start to die. lately death and life get so confusing. I can't tell the difference here tonight. lately every breath feels like I'm kissing death. and when time is dead we cease to be alive. if you hide yourself deep inside. deep inside. in time you've got nothing left to hide. there's nothing left inside. tonight honey, I'm gonna break your heart. mine was broken from the start. broken from the start. choice is the only thing we're given. for one to live another dies. one road says hello, the other says goodbye. and the road that you don't choose begins to die. they won't pay a cent to hear you laughing. they might pay a little to hear you cry. if you do it long enough, they might even pay attention. but they still won't pay respect until you die. if you hide yourself deep inside deep inside. in time you've got nothing left to hide. it's all dead inside. tonight honey I'm gonna break your heart. mine was broken from the start. broken from the start.

-jon foreman

basically I love this and wanted to share it. the bolder part is my absolute favorite. I love it a lot. the end.